Bad news = more faith.

Yesterday I heard something that made my heart drop. For months, we've been on on tenterhooks, fearing for mum's health AND then my health and then mum's health and now....

Mum had her endoscope done yesterday and it was discovered that she had a tumour in her intestines. I asked if it was cancerous and she said the doctor said it was very very bad and that after further tests we may have to let her operate immediately.This news is a sad update to the good things that have been happening in my life. This is because in this entire year that I've gone through, I have learnt and grown up so much that I look back now and am in a little dazed shock at the change I see in myself. Is that me? :)

And I'm glad to say that life is a learning process. After the rain comes the rainbow and I really grew stronger because I broke everything down to the last, tiny detail and gave it to God in prayer. I even went to Sabah to look for the pastor that had taught me so much when I was younger. The real test comes, after I've struggled back on my feet, another trial plops onto my lap. So, what do I do? I will not lament and say, WHAT? Another problem? Dang, why me again, God?

I know my faith is real, so whatever that comes along is not important. What is so important is to be a dutiful and good daughter to mum and make her happy, not by being pretentiously funny only to sob behind closed doors. The joy in me is complete and real and even though it is such difficulty to rejoice, I have the joy of the Lord in my heart.

This is when I truly realize, hey, I've grown up. :)

PS: Thank you guys for your kind prayers and encouragement to me in the blogs I pour about my conflicts and dilemmas. They lifted me up and helped me see cheer during my grey days. And after I really stood up again, wow, I realized everything is just never impossible. And thank you for always liking my poetry or my music. I feel this is the time when I have to put everything on hold and just go back to Singapore take care of my mother. Although I have been preparing to do an album, and want so much to share my life, thoughts, love and ideas into it, I know God will take care of things. For now, I will just do my part and trust!