Like a Pigeon

The urge of going home is stronger then ever.  Here in the city of broken dreams you walk as a shell.  Thick and hard on the outside but what lies inside is unexplainable.  You really have to walk it to know it.  Some call it darkness, loneliness, and bitterness.  I call it chicken shit, anti-social, and just plain lazy.  Yeah that’s me.  I realize that part of me while residing here.  My "passion" and motivation seems to diminish everyday.

Maybe it’s a sign for change.  

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These network meetings, these social gatherings seem to have all the same meaing.  All in hopes to get LAID!  And if your wondering if I’ve been successful at it the answer is no!  If I was I wouldn’t be here writing and venting.  I could assume the same goes for you too huh? Hehe.  Sorry off topic.  Anyways I don’t regret the "artist" life here.  I had some great moments and learned a lot from the industry.  But like a homing pigeon my urge to be with family and comfort is kicking in.  Have you ever seen a pigeon being release only to test if it can find its way back home?  Will it goes something like this.  Breeders and owners of pigeons (particularly Homers) would release their birds at some distance location testing the birds flight and speed in search of which one will be the fastest to reach home with the quickest time.  When the birds are first release they fly in a circle.  They fly around and around about 3-5 times in the air before they choose a direction in which they believe is the right direction to home, and before you know it they disappear into the distance.

I admire Pigeons.  I use to raise them.  Right now I feel like I’m going in circles, not really heading to one direction yet.  My urge and longing to be home is great and I’m finding every excuse to head home.  That’s why I call myself lazy and chicken-shit.  But don’t get me wrong I don’t hate myself, it’s because I know myself. Will at least at this point I think I know myself.  Let just say I like Money and I’m thinking of dating younger girls……..did that raise an eyebrow?