21 days...|21 days...|21 days...|２１日間

StartFragment

To blog or not to blog...that is the question...

I'm currently at the Bei Jing airport right now awaiting my flight back to TW. As I've said I recently have been fasting for 21days. Really wanted to clear my head from everything, all the noise of the world. Physically, and digitally. So started the 1 st Week was fruits and vegetables, week two and three was water/juice/vitamins. Some people asked my what for? Some people thought I was crazy, and some people  got mad at me. The reason for this fast was for clarity, peace in my heart, restoration for my soul, to rid off baggage from the past. It is very interesting how God will answer your prayers and bless you in ways you never even expected. The fast overall was great~! I feel more healthy, more clear, and stronger physically, and spiritually. Even though I started looking like a skeleton. I really enjoyed it, and actually wanted to continue for 40 days like Jesus did. But I only recommend people to fast when they have less work on their plates. I started shooting the movie "Waiting for you" on the 1st till the 19th, this time it was mostly acting, not that much action so I thought why not. It will be very interesting to see where God leads me on this.

On the second day of the liquid fast, man I thought to myself...I'M TIRED, AND HUNGRY~ it's such a long day of shooting, it's late..how am I going to last 12 more days? (the devil really doesn't want me getting closer to God) Hahaha...it was pretty intense, so I started to draw strength from the Lord through prayer, and then all of a sudden when I least expected it...BAM! The hunger went away, I had a sudden burst of energy, and not long after the director called it a day.

I'm reading "After God's Own Heart" by Mike Bickle, and the next day I just so happen to land on the chapter about fasting. Coincident...I think NOT! Throughout my fast I thought I would receive answers directly as I did last time I fasted, but God has such wonderful mysterious way of reveal answers to us. My prayer time became longer, it went from 1 hour, to 1 hr 40 min, to 2 hrs. It wasn't all gravy though...last year when I prayed I was able to feel God's presence with me within a short amount of time. But lately, when I felt I needed Him even more so...I couldn't! It was more difficult, my mind would be filled with all these different thoughts popping in and out. I wouldn't be able to get the tingles throughout my body, and I would just sit there in bed, with my palms facing up, thinking to myself...wtflip~! God where are yoU! But then I realized...it's not about feeling, it's not about seeing, it's about FAITH! Faith is Fact! So then I called out to the Lord, saying FATHER GOD...I DON'T FEEL YOU...BUT I KNOW! I KNOW THROUGH FAITH YOU ARE RIGHT NEXT TO ME RIGHT NOW! Sometimes He answered and sometimes He would let me sit there a little longer. hahaha...but through it all, in the end....I believe my inner man has become stronger.

The miracle-

I finished shooting the movie on the 19th, and during the shoot I was invited to the HK film award show at the very last minute. At was hesitant at first whether or not I should go, because of the time frame I had to work with for a performance. But then I thought why not, it should be fun. Soon after I agreed, they changed the performance rundown, and I thought well I don't really feel like going anymore...but they pleaded with me, and all of a sudden the pressure was on me, like their whole opening counted on me going. Honestly I'm not making this up. So I thought, well I already agreed, and God has His plans of doing things...ok just go with it. So I agreed. I really didn't have time to plan for the performance, and I didn't know what to expect. Especially since the morning before on the 18th I woke up with massive stomach pains and had to use the washroom twice before going to shoot in the evening. I immediately bbm'd my pastor's asking them to pray for me and seeked their advice. They told me to start eating if the pain continues. I took some meds and laid in bed, praying the entire time till I had to go to work. By the time work came around I felt better, weak but better. We shot from evening of the 18th till 4am on the 19th. Then book'd it to the hotel showered, and started the journey from Gwong Dong China, to HK. A 4 hour car ride, which I only slept 1 hr. Reached the hotel, tried to sleep but got only another hour before I woke up for rehearsals. Went back to the hotel to get another 1 hr sleep with all the things clouding my mind. The show tonight, what am I going to perform? What are the lyrics they wanted me to sing again since they changed…My mind was all over the place. That's when I said FLIP THIS~! I got up and started to pray.

I realized the only way I was going to clear my head, was through the peace that only God can give me. It wasn't easy, I pushed my way through over an hour of prayer time to reach that peace. And then it all became so clear to me...tonight's performance is not about the fact that it's the 100th annv. of the award show. It's not about the many people who will be there, it's not about the millions who will be watching, it's not about anything of this world. It's about, and should always be about HIM! God, all is for Him, to Him, by Him. Everything that is going to happen tonight is because God planned it. I told the Lord, if I should fall flat on my face tonight, it's all good. It's because you want me too! So that night I really just let go, and said to myself this is all for God. For His glory, my own little performance to Him for Him.

I thought it was going to be great! I thought God's gonna grant me to have a perfect performance. That was completely my pride talking. Hahaha...I mean I literally had only slept 3 hours in 1 hr segments in 2 days. Have not eaten in 12 days, and I'm about to perform. So that time came when I was on stage before I even realized it, singing and dancing my heart out to whatever was going on in my mind. I made the dance routine up literally as I was walking the red carpet. So the end result? Me enjoying being on stage dancing for God and only God in front of the world to see. (I'm smiling right now...for God is soo good. And has such a great sense of humor)

Throughout this fast, what I got from it, was that even my prayers weren't answered the way I expected. As it happens like that often, but they were answered never the less. I became stronger in the spirit, and what came with that, was my way of thinking was changed. How I viewed things was different. It wasn't about the little things of this world. Life has so much more to offer than just what's in front of me. At the last day of my fast I was packing to go boxes to eat at midnight during dinner (when my fast ended) with an auntie friend of my parents. She was telling me stories about her husband being in the hospital for over a year in a coma. As I heard this I felt it in my heart to go pray for him. So as I went to the hospital to pray for my auntie's husband who's been in a coma for over a year. I didn't know what to expect. All I knew was that I wanted to pray for him. I went into the room, and the emotions that I felt where unreal...I didn't even know why I was feeling that way. So I placed my hand on his hand, and prayed for I dunno how long, but before I even spoke 3 words I started to cry. And that night I after I prayed for him, I couldn't sleep. I was in bed tossing and turning, not knowing why....and then all of a sudden I sat up, and had an over whelming feeling of sadness. Then I couldn't stand it, the tears just suddenly began to fall. I didn't even realize what was going on, why I felt like this until later on when I told my pastor about the whole experience. He told me I was feeling God's heart...that God shared with me His heart. His sadness for them. I was weeping for my aunt. How strong of a woman she is, and how sad of a situation she is in. All in all I've learned so much within these 21 days. And above all…I God shared with me such a wonderful and precious thing. His heart. I’ve never felt closer to Him. Thank you God, and thank you guys for always being there for me. I know this was a long one...but it's been awhile since I wrote.

Oh and by the end of the movie shoot...2 of the hair stylist accepted Christ into their hearts! Amen! GOD IS GOOD.

EndFragment

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StartFragment

To blog or not to blog...that is the question...

I'm currently at the Bei Jing airport right now awaiting my flight back to TW. As I've said I recently have been fasting for 21days. Really wanted to clear my head from everything, all the noise of the world. Physically, and digitally. So started the 1 st Week was fruits and vegetables, week two and three was water/juice/vitamins. Some people asked my what for? Some people thought I was crazy, and some people  got mad at me. The reason for this fast was for clarity, peace in my heart, restoration for my soul, to rid off baggage from the past. It is very interesting how God will answer your prayers and bless you in ways you never even expected. The fast overall was great~! I feel more healthy, more clear, and stronger physically, and spiritually. Even though I started looking like a skeleton. I really enjoyed it, and actually wanted to continue for 40 days like Jesus did. But I only recommend people to fast when they have less work on their plates. I started shooting the movie "Waiting for you" on the 1st till the 19th, this time it was mostly acting, not that much action so I thought why not. It will be very interesting to see where God leads me on this.

On the second day of the liquid fast, man I thought to myself...I'M TIRED, AND HUNGRY~ it's such a long day of shooting, it's late..how am I going to last 12 more days? (the devil really doesn't want me getting closer to God) Hahaha...it was pretty intense, so I started to draw strength from the Lord through prayer, and then all of a sudden when I least expected it...BAM! The hunger went away, I had a sudden burst of energy, and not long after the director called it a day.

I'm reading "After God's Own Heart" by Mike Bickle, and the next day I just so happen to land on the chapter about fasting. Coincident...I think NOT! Throughout my fast I thought I would receive answers directly as I did last time I fasted, but God has such wonderful mysterious way of reveal answers to us. My prayer time became longer, it went from 1 hour, to 1 hr 40 min, to 2 hrs. It wasn't all gravy though...last year when I prayed I was able to feel God's presence with me within a short amount of time. But lately, when I felt I needed Him even more so...I couldn't! It was more difficult, my mind would be filled with all these different thoughts popping in and out. I wouldn't be able to get the tingles throughout my body, and I would just sit there in bed, with my palms facing up, thinking to myself...wtflip~! God where are yoU! But then I realized...it's not about feeling, it's not about seeing, it's about FAITH! Faith is Fact! So then I called out to the Lord, saying FATHER GOD...I DON'T FEEL YOU...BUT I KNOW! I KNOW THROUGH FAITH YOU ARE RIGHT NEXT TO ME RIGHT NOW! Sometimes He answered and sometimes He would let me sit there a little longer. hahaha...but through it all, in the end....I believe my inner man has become stronger.

The miracle-

I finished shooting the movie on the 19th, and during the shoot I was invited to the HK film award show at the very last minute. At was hesitant at first whether or not I should go, because of the time frame I had to work with for a performance. But then I thought why not, it should be fun. Soon after I agreed, they changed the performance rundown, and I thought well I don't really feel like going anymore...but they pleaded with me, and all of a sudden the pressure was on me, like their whole opening counted on me going. Honestly I'm not making this up. So I thought, well I already agreed, and God has His plans of doing things...ok just go with it. So I agreed. I really didn't have time to plan for the performance, and I didn't know what to expect. Especially since the morning before on the 18th I woke up with massive stomach pains and had to use the washroom twice before going to shoot in the evening. I immediately bbm'd my pastor's asking them to pray for me and seeked their advice. They told me to start eating if the pain continues. I took some meds and laid in bed, praying the entire time till I had to go to work. By the time work came around I felt better, weak but better. We shot from evening of the 18th till 4am on the 19th. Then book'd it to the hotel showered, and started the journey from Gwong Dong China, to HK. A 4 hour car ride, which I only slept 1 hr. Reached the hotel, tried to sleep but got only another hour before I woke up for rehearsals. Went back to the hotel to get another 1 hr sleep with all the things clouding my mind. The show tonight, what am I going to perform? What are the lyrics they wanted me to sing again since they changed…My mind was all over the place. That's when I said FLIP THIS~! I got up and started to pray.

I realized the only way I was going to clear my head, was through the peace that only God can give me. It wasn't easy, I pushed my way through over an hour of prayer time to reach that peace. And then it all became so clear to me...tonight's performance is not about the fact that it's the 100th annv. of the award show. It's not about the many people who will be there, it's not about the millions who will be watching, it's not about anything of this world. It's about, and should always be about HIM! God, all is for Him, to Him, by Him. Everything that is going to happen tonight is because God planned it. I told the Lord, if I should fall flat on my face tonight, it's all good. It's because you want me too! So that night I really just let go, and said to myself this is all for God. For His glory, my own little performance to Him for Him.

I thought it was going to be great! I thought God's gonna grant me to have a perfect performance. That was completely my pride talking. Hahaha...I mean I literally had only slept 3 hours in 1 hr segments in 2 days. Have not eaten in 12 days, and I'm about to perform. So that time came when I was on stage before I even realized it, singing and dancing my heart out to whatever was going on in my mind. I made the dance routine up literally as I was walking the red carpet. So the end result? Me enjoying being on stage dancing for God and only God in front of the world to see. (I'm smiling right now...for God is soo good. And has such a great sense of humor)

Throughout this fast, what I got from it, was that even my prayers weren't answered the way I expected. As it happens like that often, but they were answered never the less. I became stronger in the spirit, and what came with that, was my way of thinking was changed. How I viewed things was different. It wasn't about the little things of this world. Life has so much more to offer than just what's in front of me. At the last day of my fast I was packing to go boxes to eat at midnight during dinner (when my fast ended) with an auntie friend of my parents. She was telling me stories about her husband being in the hospital for over a year in a coma. As I heard this I felt it in my heart to go pray for him. So as I went to the hospital to pray for my auntie's husband who's been in a coma for over a year. I didn't know what to expect. All I knew was that I wanted to pray for him. I went into the room, and the emotions that I felt where unreal...I didn't even know why I was feeling that way. So I placed my hand on his hand, and prayed for I dunno how long, but before I even spoke 3 words I started to cry. And that night I after I prayed for him, I couldn't sleep. I was in bed tossing and turning, not knowing why....and then all of a sudden I sat up, and had an over whelming feeling of sadness. Then I couldn't stand it, the tears just suddenly began to fall. I didn't even realize what was going on, why I felt like this until later on when I told my pastor about the whole experience. He told me I was feeling God's heart...that God shared with me His heart. His sadness for them. I was weeping for my aunt. How strong of a woman she is, and how sad of a situation she is in. All in all I've learned so much within these 21 days. And above all…I God shared with me such a wonderful and precious thing. His heart. I’ve never felt closer to Him. Thank you God, and thank you guys for always being there for me. I know this was a long one...but it's been awhile since I wrote.

Oh and by the end of the movie shoot...2 of the hair stylist accepted Christ into their hearts! Amen! GOD IS GOOD.

EndFragment

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StartFragment

To blog or not to blog...that is the question...

I'm currently at the Bei Jing airport right now awaiting my flight back to TW. As I've said I recently have been fasting for 21days. Really wanted to clear my head from everything, all the noise of the world. Physically, and digitally. So started the 1 st Week was fruits and vegetables, week two and three was water/juice/vitamins. Some people asked my what for? Some people thought I was crazy, and some people  got mad at me. The reason for this fast was for clarity, peace in my heart, restoration for my soul, to rid off baggage from the past. It is very interesting how God will answer your prayers and bless you in ways you never even expected. The fast overall was great~! I feel more healthy, more clear, and stronger physically, and spiritually. Even though I started looking like a skeleton. I really enjoyed it, and actually wanted to continue for 40 days like Jesus did. But I only recommend people to fast when they have less work on their plates. I started shooting the movie "Waiting for you" on the 1st till the 19th, this time it was mostly acting, not that much action so I thought why not. It will be very interesting to see where God leads me on this.

On the second day of the liquid fast, man I thought to myself...I'M TIRED, AND HUNGRY~ it's such a long day of shooting, it's late..how am I going to last 12 more days? (the devil really doesn't want me getting closer to God) Hahaha...it was pretty intense, so I started to draw strength from the Lord through prayer, and then all of a sudden when I least expected it...BAM! The hunger went away, I had a sudden burst of energy, and not long after the director called it a day.

I'm reading "After God's Own Heart" by Mike Bickle, and the next day I just so happen to land on the chapter about fasting. Coincident...I think NOT! Throughout my fast I thought I would receive answers directly as I did last time I fasted, but God has such wonderful mysterious way of reveal answers to us. My prayer time became longer, it went from 1 hour, to 1 hr 40 min, to 2 hrs. It wasn't all gravy though...last year when I prayed I was able to feel God's presence with me within a short amount of time. But lately, when I felt I needed Him even more so...I couldn't! It was more difficult, my mind would be filled with all these different thoughts popping in and out. I wouldn't be able to get the tingles throughout my body, and I would just sit there in bed, with my palms facing up, thinking to myself...wtflip~! God where are yoU! But then I realized...it's not about feeling, it's not about seeing, it's about FAITH! Faith is Fact! So then I called out to the Lord, saying FATHER GOD...I DON'T FEEL YOU...BUT I KNOW! I KNOW THROUGH FAITH YOU ARE RIGHT NEXT TO ME RIGHT NOW! Sometimes He answered and sometimes He would let me sit there a little longer. hahaha...but through it all, in the end....I believe my inner man has become stronger.

The miracle-

I finished shooting the movie on the 19th, and during the shoot I was invited to the HK film award show at the very last minute. At was hesitant at first whether or not I should go, because of the time frame I had to work with for a performance. But then I thought why not, it should be fun. Soon after I agreed, they changed the performance rundown, and I thought well I don't really feel like going anymore...but they pleaded with me, and all of a sudden the pressure was on me, like their whole opening counted on me going. Honestly I'm not making this up. So I thought, well I already agreed, and God has His plans of doing things...ok just go with it. So I agreed. I really didn't have time to plan for the performance, and I didn't know what to expect. Especially since the morning before on the 18th I woke up with massive stomach pains and had to use the washroom twice before going to shoot in the evening. I immediately bbm'd my pastor's asking them to pray for me and seeked their advice. They told me to start eating if the pain continues. I took some meds and laid in bed, praying the entire time till I had to go to work. By the time work came around I felt better, weak but better. We shot from evening of the 18th till 4am on the 19th. Then book'd it to the hotel showered, and started the journey from Gwong Dong China, to HK. A 4 hour car ride, which I only slept 1 hr. Reached the hotel, tried to sleep but got only another hour before I woke up for rehearsals. Went back to the hotel to get another 1 hr sleep with all the things clouding my mind. The show tonight, what am I going to perform? What are the lyrics they wanted me to sing again since they changed…My mind was all over the place. That's when I said FLIP THIS~! I got up and started to pray.

I realized the only way I was going to clear my head, was through the peace that only God can give me. It wasn't easy, I pushed my way through over an hour of prayer time to reach that peace. And then it all became so clear to me...tonight's performance is not about the fact that it's the 100th annv. of the award show. It's not about the many people who will be there, it's not about the millions who will be watching, it's not about anything of this world. It's about, and should always be about HIM! God, all is for Him, to Him, by Him. Everything that is going to happen tonight is because God planned it. I told the Lord, if I should fall flat on my face tonight, it's all good. It's because you want me too! So that night I really just let go, and said to myself this is all for God. For His glory, my own little performance to Him for Him.

I thought it was going to be great! I thought God's gonna grant me to have a perfect performance. That was completely my pride talking. Hahaha...I mean I literally had only slept 3 hours in 1 hr segments in 2 days. Have not eaten in 12 days, and I'm about to perform. So that time came when I was on stage before I even realized it, singing and dancing my heart out to whatever was going on in my mind. I made the dance routine up literally as I was walking the red carpet. So the end result? Me enjoying being on stage dancing for God and only God in front of the world to see. (I'm smiling right now...for God is soo good. And has such a great sense of humor)

Throughout this fast, what I got from it, was that even my prayers weren't answered the way I expected. As it happens like that often, but they were answered never the less. I became stronger in the spirit, and what came with that, was my way of thinking was changed. How I viewed things was different. It wasn't about the little things of this world. Life has so much more to offer than just what's in front of me. At the last day of my fast I was packing to go boxes to eat at midnight during dinner (when my fast ended) with an auntie friend of my parents. She was telling me stories about her husband being in the hospital for over a year in a coma. As I heard this I felt it in my heart to go pray for him. So as I went to the hospital to pray for my auntie's husband who's been in a coma for over a year. I didn't know what to expect. All I knew was that I wanted to pray for him. I went into the room, and the emotions that I felt where unreal...I didn't even know why I was feeling that way. So I placed my hand on his hand, and prayed for I dunno how long, but before I even spoke 3 words I started to cry. And that night I after I prayed for him, I couldn't sleep. I was in bed tossing and turning, not knowing why....and then all of a sudden I sat up, and had an over whelming feeling of sadness. Then I couldn't stand it, the tears just suddenly began to fall. I didn't even realize what was going on, why I felt like this until later on when I told my pastor about the whole experience. He told me I was feeling God's heart...that God shared with me His heart. His sadness for them. I was weeping for my aunt. How strong of a woman she is, and how sad of a situation she is in. All in all I've learned so much within these 21 days. And above all…I God shared with me such a wonderful and precious thing. His heart. I’ve never felt closer to Him. Thank you God, and thank you guys for always being there for me. I know this was a long one...but it's been awhile since I wrote.

Oh and by the end of the movie shoot...2 of the hair stylist accepted Christ into their hearts! Amen! GOD IS GOOD.

EndFragment

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StartFragment

ブログすべきかせざるべきか・・・それが問題だ・・・

僕は今　北京空港にいる。台湾に戻るために飛行機を待っているとこなんだ。言ってたように　最近２１日間の断食をした。世間の喧騒から　頭の中を本当に すっきりさせたかったんだ。肉体面、そしてデジタル面でも。それで第１週目はフルーツと野菜から始めて２週、３週目は水/ジュース/ビタミンだった。ある 人は何のために?ってきいた。ある人は僕が狂ったかと思い、またある人は僕のこと怒ってた。この断食の理由は、心の平安、魂の回復や過去の重荷を解くと いったことをはっきりするためだった。神さまがどんなふうにお前の祈りに応えてくださり、思いもよらぬ方法で祝福してくださるのかとても興味深いな。

断食はすごくよかったよ～！前よりもっと健康的に、よりクリアに、肉体的にも精神的にももっと強くなれたみたいだ。たとえ僕が骸骨みたいに見え始めても ね。本当に楽しかったし、実はイエスがやったように４０日間続けたかったんだ。でも僕は時間に余裕のある人にしか断食は勧めないな。１日から１９日まで映 画「君を待ってる（等着你回来）」を撮りはじめたんだけど、今回は演技が主で何で？ってくらいたいしてアクションがないんだ。これで神様が僕をどこに導い て下さるのか楽しみだ。

流動食断食の二日目に、やっぱ内心で思ったよ・・・疲れた、ハラヘッタ～　撮影の一日が長くって、遅いんだ・・・最後まであと１２日もどうするんだよ？ （悪魔は本気で僕が神さまに近づかせたくないのさ）ははは・・・かなり集中して主の祈りから力をもらおうとしたとたん思いもよらず、・・・バン！ひもじさ が消え失せ、突然エネルギーが湧き上がり、それからまもなく監督が終わりにしようと言ったんだ。

いまマイク・ビックルの”After God's Own Heart”を読んでる。その翌日ほんとに偶然断食に関する章が載ってるのを見つけた。偶然の一致・・・じゃないと思う！断食をやってみて思ったのは、こ の前断食したときのように直接答えが返ってくるって思ってたけれど、神さまはそんなすばらしくなぞめいたやり方で僕らに答えを示して下さるんだ。僕のお祈 りの時間はさらに長くなり、１時間から１時間４０分に、２時間になった。それはすべてたやすいことじゃなかったけれど・・・去年、お祈りしているときにほ んつかの間だったけど、神さまの存在を感じることができたんだ。けれど最近は　彼にもっと来てほしいと思っても・・できなかったんだ！もっと大変だった。 僕の心の中はいろんな思いが飛び交い、いっぱいになってしまうんだ。体にゾクゾクする感じも得ることができなかったし、ただ手のひらを合わせてベッドに腰 掛けてるだけでで・・・思ってた・・なんだよ～～！神さま～どこにいんの～？でも

それから気がついたんだ・・・感覚でも視覚でもない、信じるってことなんだ！信じることが真実なんだ！それから僕は主に呼びかけたんだ・・・父なる神に言った・・・私はあなたを感じません・・・でも

分かっています！信仰を通して私はあなたがたった今私のすぐとなりにいてくださることが分かるのです！ある時は彼は答えてくださり、また時にはちょっと長 めに僕をいさせてくれるんだ。ははは・・・でもそれらのことを通して、しまいには・・・自分の内なる人間がより強くなれると信じている。

 奇跡-

　１９日に撮影が終わったけどその撮影のさなか、ほんとにぎりぎりになって香港電影金像奨受賞式典 に招待されたんだ。ぼくがパフォーマンスする時間枠のことで最初は行こうかどうしようかって躊躇したんだ。でもいいさ、楽しいかもね、と思ったんだ。ぼく が承諾したらすぐにパフォーマンスのランダウンを変えたんで、考えてみたらほんとはもう行きたいって気分じゃなかったんだけど・・・でも彼らは僕に是非に と言うし、そしたら突然僕の上にプレッシャーがかかってきたんだ。だって全体のオープニングが僕任せになるっていうんだから。これほんとに、作り話じゃな いよ。

それで考えたんだ、もう引き受けちゃったし、神さまだってお考えがあってのことだろうし・・・ok,やるっきゃないか。それで承諾したんだ。

パフォーマンスのことを考える時間はほんとになかったし、どうなるのかも分からなかった。特に前の日の１８日の朝起きたときからひどい胃痛で夜の撮影に行く前に２回もトイレに行かなくちゃならなかった。

すぐにｂｂｍ（BlackBerryMessenger)で僕の牧師が（教会の）彼らに　僕のために祈ってくれるようにたのみ、彼らのアドバイスを求めた。

彼らは痛みが続くようなら食事を始めなさいと言ってくれた。

僕は薬を飲んでベッドに横になって仕事に行くまでずっと祈り続けたんだ。仕事の時間がやって来るころには前よりもよくなったような、弱ってたけど楽になっ た気がした。僕らは１８日の夜から１９日の午前４時まで撮影した。それから、身支度用にホテルの予約をして、中国・広東から香港への旅をはじめた。

車で４時間、うち１時間しか眠れなかった。ホテルに着いてリハーサルの時間まで眠ろうとしたけどたった１時間しかなかった。もう１時間睡眠をとるためにホ テルに戻ったけどいろんなことが僕の心を曇らせていた。今夜のショー、僕は何をやったらいいんだ?彼らが変更したのに僕はどの歌詞をまた歌ったらいいんだ ろう？僕の心は乱れていた。あの、Flip flap!(なるようになれ!)とつぶやいて僕は起き上がって祈りをはじめた。  

僕の頭をすっきりさせるにはこれしかない、神さまだけが与えてくださることのできる平安を通してしかないんだって気がついたんだ。それは簡単じゃなかっ た。その平安に達するまでにはお祈りの時間を１時間以上も押し分けていってしまった。それからすべてがすっきりしていった・・・今夜のパフォーマンスはこ の授賞式の１００回記念であるといったことではないんだ。会場にいる大勢の人達のことなんかでもなく、

数百万の視聴者のことでもなく、この世の何者についてでもないんだ。

それは、そして常に彼についてであるべきなんだ！神、すべては彼のために、彼に、彼によって。今夜起ころうとしていることすべては神さまが仕組まれたこと なんだから。　今夜もし僕が ばったり倒れたとしてもそれでいいと僕は主に言った。それもあなたが僕に望まれることだから！それでその夜　僕は本当に気が楽になり、これはすべて神さま のためだと自分に言ったんだ。彼の栄光のために、彼のため　彼への僕自身のささやかな　パフォーマンスを。

すばらしいことになりそうだぞ!と思った。神さまが僕に完璧なパフォーマンスを与えてくださるだろうと思った。あれは完全に僕のプライドが言わせたんだけ ど、ははは・・・。つまり文字通り２日間で１時間の番組に出て３時間しか寝なかった。１２日間も食べずに、今舞台に立とうとしている。だから以前僕がまだ そのことに気がつがずにステージに立ってた頃は僕は自分の心のままに自分の気持ちを歌い、踊っていた。レッドカーペットを歩くとき文字通りダンスのルー ティーン（一連の動き）を作ったんだ。で、最後、結果は？　神さまのためにそして神さまだけの前で踊ってることに喜んでるぼく。（いまね、ぼく微笑ってる んだよ・・・神さまってとっても素敵だなって。それにユーモアのセンスも抜群だよ）

この断食をやってみて僕が得たものは、祈ってみても自分の期待した風には答えが出ないってこと。あんなふうにたまたましょっちゅうあったけど、そうそう答 えてはくれないよ。僕は精神的に強くなれた。それと一緒に自分の考え方も変わったよ。前とものの見方が変わったんだ。この世界の小さなことについてじゃな くて。人生にはただ目の前にあるものだけじゃなくてもっと用意されたものがあるもんなんだ。僕の断食の最終日に両親の友達のおばちゃんと一緒にとった真夜 中の食事（僕の断食明けの）をお持ち帰りBoｘに詰めちゃった。彼女は僕に昏睡状態で１年以上も入院しているご主人の話をしてくれた。これを聞いたとき、気の毒で彼のために祈ろうと思った。それで

１年以上も昏睡状態でいるおばちゃんのだんなさんのために病院にお祈りをしに行った。先のことなんて考えてなかった。ただ彼のために祈りたかっただけ。病室に行くと、そこは非現実的な感じがした・・・

何でそんな風に感じたのかわかんないけど。で、彼の手の上に手を置いて　どのくらい祈っただろうか、でも僕が３語も話しもしないうちに

泣きだしてしまったんだ。それでその夜彼のために祈ったんだけどそのあと、眠れなかった。ベッドでごろごろ寝返り打ってた・・・なんでか分からないけ ど・・・突然急に圧倒的に悲しい気分に覆われて起き上がってしまった。それから耐え切れなくなって涙があふれだしてしまったんだ。自分でもどうしちゃった のか、何でこんな感じになったのか、あとで牧師さんにこの経験の一部始終を話すまで分からなかった。

彼は僕が神様の心を感じたから、・・・神さまがかれの心を僕にも分けてくれたんだと言ってくれた。彼らへの彼の悲しみ。僕は叔母のために泣いた。なんて強 い女性なんだろう、それになんて大変な立場なんだろう。これがこの２１日間で僕が学んだことのすべてだ。それになんといっても・・・僕は神とあんな素晴ら しくて貴重なことを分かち合えたんだ。こんな近くに彼を感じたことはなかったよ。ありがとう神様、そしていつもそばにいてくれるみんなありがとう。長々と 書いちゃったけど・・・書くのが久しぶりだったからさ。

あ、それから映画の撮影の終わりまでに・・・２人のヘアスタイリストさんがキリストを受け入れて（入信して）くれたんだ。アーメン！

神様は最高。

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