Bangkok

I am off to Bangkok tomorrow for a short holiday with my family members.  It has been many many years since the family took a holiday together.  It feels as though this marks the beginning and end of many things.

This is probably the holiday that hopefully marks the end of the financial struggles that my family had to endure for the past over 10 years.  Mum is finally up and steady to buy everyone a holiday.

It would probably also mean the last holiday that I can go with my family (living with this family) for a while since the plans to move to Canada in June 2009 seems to be nearing.  Oh 7 months is a long time but it goes by so fast.  This means it's me embarking on a new journey ahead... new.  The next time we want to go on a holiday, we'll be 'meeting up' somewhere for that holiday.  It is different.

I don't have to say how many more new 'embarkments' .. maybe 'experiences' would be a better word .. i will be going on.  Moving away to a different country already brings about so much.  New people, new culture, new work, new environment, new seasons, new food, new life....  I think these are enough to overwhelm me so the list need not go on... yet.

I'm not really sure the point of this entry.  But these few weeks (and probably the next few months) are like mental preparations for me.  Slipping myself in and out phases and doing alot of thinking.  Growing up, I always told people that I wanted to move away from Singapore.  I just never thought it would actually come true.  And now that it will come true, it just seems like everything is moving so fast.

I am excited about it but it's alot of mixed feelings that come with it.  25 years of my life in Singapore, the relationships and friendship I made, the people I met, the work I did, the family I love, the history I have.... is ... going to be past.  I am definitely coming home as often as I can but I am excited to be there.

You can tell my mind is all over.  A moment of excitement and the next of fear, or anxiety.  Is this normal?  Hehe.  Only time will tell.

Perhaps it is the old asian thought.  You know how children don't leave their families unlike western teenagers?  At 18, kids in the US would move out, start a life, go to college, get independent.  But children in Asia or most parts of it, they stay with their parents till they are married.  And majority of them still keep in such close relations to their family.  In Singapore, the proximity is so small so it is so easy to keep in contact. 

I am like the 18 year old kid from US who decided to move away .... thousands of miles away... to another country.  Drastic.  Imagine how my mom is feeling.. counting down to the day I say "byebye".  She was prepared to marry her daughter off but I guess she never imagined she'd marry her off to Canada.

But every day is a new experience.  And every day is a new challenge.  Me moving away is a new chance for me.

I have been taking a break from Acting in Singapore for a while.  Since school started in 2006, most of the jobs that came always came at the wrong time - Crazy school times.  So I did jobs whenever I could.  Now that I have graduated and I have this whole 'future' on my plate.  Much of what seems like the next few months till June 09 has been sorta planned out already.  There is so much to do.  And there is one major worry - Money.

Getting married isn't easy.  Sure we can sign the paper and leave.  But I owe it to my mom to throw the banquet.  Especially since I am actually leaving, she wants to be able to 'give me away' with pride.  Not to mention the huge family that I have.  Yikes.

Nonetheless, acting will and always be my life and dream.  I speak of it as if I am not an actress.  I am, but I speak of it with much enthusiasm and goals to pursue it further.  And if the path is laid out for me to be in Canada, then Canada it will be.

I will probably have to make alot of choices and much of those I won't like, but that's life... that's preparations.  But rest assured, the flame never dies.