understandings

oh hai.

yes, yes…i realize it’s been a while.

what’s changed, really?

EVERYTHING.

as usual, transformation is the name of the game peeps. not surprising to me anymore, as this IS the time. it’s now or never!!

are you noticing it as well? noticing yourself and the people around you making changes, or if not consciously making them, situations “occur” and cause a shift? if you presence yourself and pay attention to the world around you, patterns and synchronicities emerge. everywhere. major shifts in our lives and major shifts on the planet, in our bodies, in our hearts, all mirroring each other so synchronistically. it’s so fucking beautiful and amazing i can hardly stand it! i am really just using an old paradigm figure of speech, because not only can i stand it, i am just reveling in it. soaking it up, yum yum fucking YUM.

let me ask you: how good can YOU stand it?

obviously, if you saw my last post, you heard me go on about exploring raw cuisine, and the many positive effects it has had on my health and spirit. and i realize rather than label myself a raw foodist, i’ve evolved into an intuitive eater, where i generally prefer food with a high content of nutrition, and that subsists of fresh, organically grown food, the less treated the better, and ultimately balance is the key.

when i began this exploration, my intention was to cleanse my body of all the toxins we take in on a regular basis eating processed and conventionally grown foods. i am so so so so grateful for this book i found called Secrets of An Alkaline Body, written by Annie Jubb. she opened a restaurant called Lifefood Organic near my place in hollywood, and discovering it, her, and the book…well, it saved my life. i am completely serious when i say this.

whatever was brewing beneath the surface that i couldn’t see but could intuitively feel, that probably wouldn’t have caused any “serious” issues for many years still, was causing a lot of fear deep in my mind. the deep fear came from not knowing. and not knowing creates lack of ease (hello? dis-ease!). this fear over not knowing kept me re-living my old patterns, which would have surely lead to disease. that is, until i gave myself the gift of bringing the parts of me sinking into the dark back into light. literally. for me, this was through food. i brought in more light — light created by the synthesis of the sun and the earth and our plants — back into my physical body.

this is fucking LIFE FORCE.

by seeking knowledge, i discovered knowing. by exercising integrity and intentionally changing my old patterns, i created ease. which came from harnessing the light. and the light is…well…ready? God. Source. Creator. Is. Be. Am. Us. You. Me. Whateveryouwannacallexistence.

and it blew my heart open. ok ok, so you’ve heard this already yes?

so why is this coming up again?

well.

it has to do with a few sexy pictures that i’ve been hesitant to share.

HA!

this is certainly, by far, my most spiritual segue into sexy photos [to date].

but you see, this hesitancy to share is teaching me SOOOOO much about the whole process i’m going through discovering my true self. the photos are of course, from my annual summer shoot with my brother from another galaxy, lee clower. my connection with lee and the images we co-create is a channel for me to share an aspect of myself that i had kept in a pattern of hiding. it is an aspect innate within me — in fact, a gift — innate in all of us.

our sexuality.

the pure energy of creation. this energy is so beautiful, so amazing, so deep, so fucking fire engine yes solar flare yes more aliens yes bursting universal loving yes ecstasy yes YES YES YES!

and yet…we are told our whole lives no no no…

that energy is shameful. you shouldn’t share that. you’ll be judged. you’ll be exploited. you’ll be stripped of your dignity. and to add another layer to the mix, we are also taught that our bodies should be “perfect.” perfect? what’s perfect??? and as defined by who???

when i was still “toxic” i bought into a lot of the shame and guilt. i required spiritual assistance (aka my friend big Green) to bring me to a place even close to self-acceptance. and since we’ve already established that i pretty much tell you everything (i mean, sheesh, if you just read from the beginning, this blog is basically a map of patty yu’s journey to self discovery), i totally used that “assistance” for this shoot, taken only halfway into my “spiritual transformation.” i say halfway because i was consciously doing a lot of looking inward to “exorcise the demons” and making fantastic progress! but i was still recreating many of the same patterns.

and so, when i look at these photos, i am reminded of where i was then. i see in my eyes the pain of not knowing. and i see a body that i recognize as beautiful and sexy, but i know that it was mistreated, not fed for 2 days prior, because i felt out of control due to lack of any real knowledge about how to nourish it. i recognize the confused me in those photos and i remember her. and my hesitation to share is me pausing to feel through those memories.

the echos of fear. echos of shame. echos of guilt.

but i know something changed. for good. and therefore i release all my judgment and i honor her. for making that shift. to get her to me.

to now.

because now i live in bliss every day. now i see myself in the light.

and i appreciate, and cherish, and nourish, and love my self, like we all deserve to be loved. nourished. cherished. appreciated.

and for whatever reason i am compelled to just share all of this process. to perhaps illuminate the complexity of self-consciousness, and how that can manifest within the human mind. i share this information to assist in your transformation, should you seek it.

because i appreciate, and cherish, and nourish, and love YOU, like YOU deserve to be loved. nourished. cherished. appreciated.

i ruv yous.

whew!

now that was a lot of foreplay…

are you as curious as i am how the next shoot will go?

love you lee. i am so grateful to co-create with you.

<3