new lifestyle

I realize I haven't been very good with my blogs lately.  I just haven't been in the mood to write really....well, I'll try to get back into writing more ......This week has been quite a busy week for me.  The Miss HK charity had an event here last Fri for the tree lighting ceremony in Xin Tian Di.  They also took photos for the anniversary book that is probably going to be launched in Feb.  I had to take 2 different photos for the book.  It was a lot of fun because I haven't taken photos in a while...and I've always loved taking modeling shots.  They were also very fun shots to do.  Unfortunately, with taking photos...comes the fear of feeling fat. Esp. when everyone else is 10 times smaller than me.  And, it doesn't help when I'm doing the fitting...and get asked if I've gained weight since my cabaret show in Mido in April....or was that May?  I can't quite remember.  Anyways....I've been very down about my body...AGAIN!!!  And I'm sure it's a topic that everyone is tired of hearing about...but, it is SUCH and issue with me.  I think, I probably have gained about 10lbs this year.  And....I've decided that I need to change my eating habits....I'm currently reading a book that my brother, Harry gave me to read when I was in SF.  It's actually very hard for me to read it because it's very much like a text book..but, I'm trying my best to finish it...and really start to change some of the things that I put in my body.  I think that with age it's harder and harder to keep myself slim.  And, for some reason, I've developed a love for certain foods that aren't exactly very healthy...and 8 years ago...I didn't even think about eating them....So....with organic food...it's kind of hard in Shanghai.not many places have organic...and if they do....you either have to go really far to get them....or there isn't much of a selection.  Most of the food that I eat is from the open market downstairs from where I live....I feel that the vegetables are quite fresh there...so...I'm thinking that it's probably even better than going to the local market to get food....but, I don't know..  anyways.....I think my main problem is sugar...and coffee....it's going to be very hard for me to resist some for the temptations...but, over the years I have slowly started to eat more than I should.  I think I'll get really depressed if I completely cut it out of my diet..but, I'll try my best...at least when I'm not out with friends.  Why is this such an issue with me?  It seems like such a stupid thing to think about.....not a big deal...but, food...losing weight....my body..all of that....can really set the mood I'm in.  I've even thought about....if, I decided to move to SF to be closer to my sister and brother...would that make me happier?  I could end my career as an artist and be a normal person.....settle down, and not have to worry about others telling me I'm fat.....but, that's probably going to stick with me for the rest of my life.  Anyways...I'm going to stop this...and try to think more positively on how the benefits of cutting out sugar and coffee...can make me healthier...and not only thinner......well...let's see if I can do it.....