decisions

So, last night I made it into the top 10 for the MY SHOW competition.  It was very sad to see friends compete against friends.  It's not like we are killing each other off..but...I've begun to feel so emotionally attatched to everyone.  I've come a long way since it was 100 contestants down to 40.  I've begun to feel friendships develop with the others.  I'm just thankful that I never had to compete against any of my really close friends. 

Anyways...by the end of the show, the representative from 42nd St. got on stage to officially announce my participation with them on TV.  That's when I announced that I would like to give my spot in the top 10 to one of the other contestants.  My dream of being on Broadway has finally been given to me thanks to My Show.  I feel that the only way I can really accomplish my dreams is to fully put my heart into it.  I don't think I can handle competing and rehearsing the show all at the same time.  This decision has been on my mind the entire week.  I am just thankful that I've been able to see the possibility of my dreams coming true....so, I don't think it would be fair for me to take someone elses opportunity by taking up a spot in the top 10...that would be too selfish.  I'm also someone who likes things to be perfect...and I know that means that I have to be focused and I have to get as much rehearsal time as possible.  The show has already been in rehearsal for 1 month.  So...the only way I can catch up and be ready by Sept 5th (the opening)  is by committing all of my time and effort.  The part that I'm taking on isn't exactly clear at the moment.  I know I will be one of the ensemble..and possibly get a few lines here and there....The show already has it's lead roles casted and the other roles are not suitable for my age.  But, I don't mind...it will be the first time that I actually get to be a part of a professional Broadway production!  Everything is coming from NY!!!  And the original writer is going to be the director!  So, I know that this will be my chance to learn and make my way into the industry.  Hopefully, next time, there will be a bigger role for me to play. 

I'm so thankful that God has been leading me into the right direction.  I am so blessed with opportunities...and I know that my patience is finally paying off.  I'm very excited to be able to train more in tap dancing because I have always wanted to improve in that area....it's going to be a lot of hard work..but, I'm so looking forward to it.  I do feel very sorry for my fans who have been walking with me since the beginning of the competition.  They have been so supportive of me and it made me so sad to see them cry when I made my decision.  I  hope that they will not be upset with me because of it.  I hope that they will see that this choice will only help my future...and I hope that they will continue to support me even though my participation with the competition has come to an end.  It really touched me to see that they cared so much. 

Another thing is, I hope that nobody will say that I dropped out of the competition...because that sounds like I gave up...way too negative...NO...that's not it....I decided to give my title to someone who would need it more than me.  I already have my wish from the show...and so, I hope that someone else will be able to accomplish something that they want through the show...with this second chance. 

Now...I feel so content and so at peace with my choice....and I finally feel like I made the right decision to come to Shanghai.  God has lead me....and I know that this is only the beginning to my new life.  昨天晚上我在[我行我Show]的比賽中進了十強，一直讓我不能忍受的是看到朋友和朋友之間“比博”，雖然不能說是在互相殘剎，但是我開始不忍目睹這種場面了…尤其是從一百強到四十強這漫長的路程中，我和很多選手都建立了很深厚的友情，我很僥倖至少我還未曾和我最接近的幾個朋友“拼剎”一番… prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /  在昨晚比賽接近尾聲時，百老音樂劇[42街]的負責人走上台，在[我行我Show]的直播現場上，正式宣佈了我參加他們的劇組，我趁這個機會也向大會宣佈，要把我剛拿到手的十強的機會，留給其他的選手，因為我的夢想是進入百老，[我行我Show]已經給了我這個機會，讓我夢想成真了…整整一個星期，我都一直跟自已講，我必須放棄比賽，因為這個時候，我是不可能一邊比賽，一邊去彩排的，我真的非常感激[我行我Show]能助我實現這個百老的夢…但是我覺得如果這時候我還要佔十強的一個位置，是件很不公平的事，是很自私的。當然我一向是完美主意者，也就是說，如果我真的要加入[42街]，我就必須全程投入，要利用每一分每一秒去排練，更何況他們已經排練了一個月的時間了，九月五日就將在上海首演了，我必須迎頭趕上去才行。我知道我可能只是其中一個群舞，或許會有點台詞，因為他們早就訂了女主角人選，另一個女角年紀比較大，並不合適我，但是我不在乎…這是我的第一次參于真正百老製作的演出，每一個成員都是從紐約來的 ，原編劇將會親自來導演這次演出，所以我很清楚這是我最好的學習機會，也是給我提供了一條通向百老的捷徑之路，下一次我一定會爭取到一個很好的角色…我感激我的上帝指引我一個正確的方向，我非常感激有這麼好的一個機會，我等了那麼久，總算有了一個好的起步…我特別興奮的是，我這下子總算有機會好好學“踢躂舞”了，這是我最弱的一種舞，我一直希望能把它學好，盡管我知道會很辛苦，但是我已經作好了思想準備…還有對那些從一開始就支持我的那些粉絲，我感到非常抱歉，尤其是當我在台上說出我離去的決心時，看到她們一個個都哭得那麼傷心，我也很難過，我希望她們能明白，這個決定是絕對對我前途有利的，我希望就算是我不再比賽，她們仍然會支持我，一直以來，她們對我的關心和鼓勵最讓我心動的….  另外有一點很重要的是，我不希望任何人說我放棄比賽，那樣顯得很消極，事實上並不是這樣，是我把十強的位置讓出來，我相信他們比我更須要進了十強，而我已經從[我行我Show]得到我所想要的，…所以我希望這個得到第二次機會的人，也真的可以從[我行我Show]裡得到他想要的….  現在，我的選擇讓覺得非常愉快和非常平靜，看來當初決定到上海來發展是完全正確的，是上帝指引我….當然我知道，這只是我新生活的起步…