angry | 生氣 | 生气

Ok, so last night was my day of competing to get into the top 40 spot.  I felt that my performance was at least 90%.  So….I was very confident that I should get in.  So the game is like this.  The 100 contestants each got split up into groups of 3.  There are about 8 groups per day.  I was last night which was the 2 nd night of competition.  We each sing a song and then there are 4 judges that will give us their vote or not.  So…how we know is that on their table is a light.  If they light up then that means that they gave you their vote. I only got 2 votes last night.  The judges felt that I sang a song that nobody knew so it was to my disadvantage.  The other 2 contestants got 4 votes each and both got into the 40 cut.  At the moment that I was on stage, I wasn’t unhappy…I was still cheering on the other 2 contestants because I felt that they really deserved to get in.  The three of us wanted to be the first group to have all of us make it in the 40 cut.  Unfortunately, that didn’t really happen.  But….to me, it didn’t really matter because I know that I deserved to get in and that I sang the best that I could at that moment.  I only wished that I knew what to sing before I competed.  Anyways…a lot of people told me that this was some sort of publicity stunt because the news has been really promoting the fact that I am entered in this competition.  I guess you could say they copied “American Idol”.  Well…publicity stunt or not….after about 30min of soaking in what had happened on the stage…I started to feel that this competition was very unfair.  I don’t get it….it’s supposed to be a singing competition.  The one time I feel confident that I should get 4 votes…and the 2 lady judges don’t give me their vote!  I felt like I was tricked into entering so that they could use me and play with me.  I know that if it is a publicity stunt, no matter what I did last night would have had the same result…but….just that feeling of knowing what should have happened…makes me very upset and it has been haunting me since!  I have been feeling like, what am I doing!  I shouldn’t be in this dumb competition!  (excuse me for being so mean) What am I doing?  I want to just quit now and do something that I really want to do.  Something that will have more meaning to me. Ever since I entered I have been unhappy and unsure of what I wanted!  Then, I realize that I’m in such a terrible situation now.  If  I quit now people will probably think that I couldn’t live up to the challenge….and the worst part is that I would really let down my fans.  Yes, for some odd reason in these few days that I have been in this competition…I have a little group of fans now.  They made these huge signs for me and everything!  I was so touched to have people support me…because this is really odd for me to have something like that…it’s actually quite embarrassing…but…cool at the same time.  Anyways…my fans were more upset than I was.  And in a way, I feel like I let them down.  I know that if I do decide to continue…I’m going to do it..not only for God..but for them.  Anyways…I’m so confused with emotions right now…I’m scared that I will write something that I may regret later….繁體中文：

昨晚是我 100進 40的比賽。我覺得自己的表演至少可以打到 90分，所以…我很自信可以晉級。游戲規則是這樣的： 100個選手按每 3個人分組，每天有 8組選手比賽。昨晚是第二天的比賽，我分在裏面。每人唱一首歌，由 4個評委投票…我們知道有沒有通過是看評委有沒有亮燈。如果他們面前的燈亮了就是給你投了一票。昨晚我只得了 2盞燈，評委說我唱的歌沒人聽過，這是不利於我的部分。我這組的另外 2個選手都亮了 4盞燈，進入了 40強。當時我在舞臺上，沒有不高興…我仍然為 2名同伴開心，覺得是他們應得的。我們 3個本來想成為第一組同時進 40強的選手，不幸的是，沒有發生。但是…我覺得沒關係，因為我知道我應該晉級的，在那一刻我唱到最好了。隻希望在比賽前能知道我應該唱什麼…很多人告訴我這是有意的安排，因為媒體一直大肆宣傳我參加了這次比賽。我猜你可能要說他們抄襲了"美國偶像"…不論是有意安排或者不是…舞臺上這一切發生 30分鐘後，我清醒過來…開始意識到這個比賽非常不公平。我沒晉級…這本應該是一場歌唱比賽的。我頭一次覺得很自信能得到 4票時… 2個女評委沒有投票！我覺得他們是騙我參加比賽，然後利用我、玩弄我。我知道如果這是有意的安排，無論我昨天表現如何，也是得到同樣的結果…但是…當感覺到這一切是早已安排好時…我非常沮喪，難以釋懷！我開始懷疑，我究竟在做什麼！我不該來參加這啞巴比賽的！（原諒我這麼壞）我到底在做什麼？我現在隻想退出比賽，做我想做的事，那些對我來說更有意義的事情。從參加比賽一開始我就不快樂，不確定自己想要什麼！現在意識到自己處在這樣的糟糕境況下。如果我退出了，大家會認為是因為無法勝出…最不好的是無法對我的粉絲解釋。是的，這些天我為奇怪的理由參加這次比賽…擁有了一些粉絲。他們給我做了巨大的支持牌和很多東西！很感動有人支持我…因為對我來說這事有些奇怪…真的很為難…但是…也很酷。不管怎麼說…我的粉絲比我還要難受，是我令他們難受的。我知道，如果我決定繼續比賽…我要繼續比賽，不僅為上帝，也是為他們…我現在情緒很亂…怕再寫下去會說出令我後悔的話…

简体中文：

昨晚是我 100进 40的比赛。我觉得自己的表演至少可以打到 90分，所以…我很自信可以晋级。游戏规则是这样的： 100个选手按每 3个人分组，每天有 8组选手比赛。昨晚是第二天的比赛，我分在里面。每人唱一首歌，由 4个评委投票…我们知道有没有通过是看评委有没有亮灯。如果他们面前的灯亮了就是给你投了一票。昨晚我只得了 2盏灯，评委说我唱的歌没人听过，这是不利于我的部分。我这组的另外 2个选手都亮了 4盏灯，进入了 40强。当时我在舞台上，没有不高兴…我仍然为 2名同伴开心，觉得是他们应得的。我们 3个本来想成为第一组同时进 40强的选手，不幸的是，没有发生。但是…我觉得没关系，因为我知道我应该晋级的，在那一刻我唱到最好了。只希望在比赛前能知道我应该唱什么…很多人告诉我这是有意的安排，因为媒体一直大肆宣传我参加了这次比赛。我猜你可能要说他们抄袭了"美国偶像"…不论是有意安排或者不是…舞台上这一切发生 30分钟后，我清醒过来…开始意识到这个比赛非常不公平。我没晋级…这本应该是一场歌唱比赛的。我头一次觉得很自信能得到 4票时… 2个女评委没有投票！我觉得他们是骗我参加比赛，然后利用我、玩弄我。我知道如果这是有意的安排，无论我昨天表现如何，也是得到同样的结果…但是…当感觉到这一切是早已安排好时…我非常沮丧，难以释怀！我开始怀疑，我究竟在做什么！我不该来参加这哑巴比赛的！（原谅我这么坏）我到底在做什么？我现在只想退出比赛，做我想做的事，那些对我来说更有意义的事情。从参加比赛一开始我就不快乐，不确定自己想要什么！现在意识到自己处在这样的糟糕境况下。如果我退出了，大家会认为是因为无法胜出…最不好的是无法对我的粉丝解释。是的，这些天我为奇怪的理由参加这次比赛…拥有了一些粉丝。他们给我做了巨大的支持牌和很多东西！很感动有人支持我…因为对我来说这事有些奇怪…真的很为难…但是…也很酷。不管怎幺说…我的粉丝比我还要难受，是我令他们难受的。我知道，如果我决定继续比赛…我要继续比赛，不仅为上帝，也是为他们…我现在情绪很乱…怕再写下去会说出令我后悔的话…