Oh dear. Apologies.

My first read from Haruki Murakami was Sputnik Sweetheart. This was after I had browsed Murakami in stores out of curiousity previously and a friend told me how he was such a fan. I thought his style was very laid back,morose even but nice in a bitter sweet way. Norwegian Wood hit me with a greater impact however because while I read it,I found myself getting more and more involved. That's me. I sometimes get so absorbed in doing something I am almost split. There are Murakami haters too. Like a friend who told me she felt M was conjuring a cult following, there is almost a shrine built for him by these people who worshipped him. I think I appreciate his work and it influenced me,not necessarily all things positive because he does have a melancholic effect in his books.

I realized I got abit testy while writing out the lyrics for my song Lies again. It was written years back when I was furious then. And I wanted to say sorry to people out there if I startled anyone. I have a penchant for writing or even other creative aspects. It's fun and I love expressing myself. But I'm also quite an extremist,so I become so absorbed I lose myself. I brought up Murakami because when I read Norwegian Wood, I became so affected, I remember for days after I finished the book I was still pondering over it. It was also inevitable that I became taciturn and slightly silent in the company of friends in the ensuing days after.

So what happened was that a friend of mine became slightly affected by this. Her sister said that I had looked troubled and in deep anguish when I passed their house yesterday. In fact I did not even hear her the first time she had called out to me.I had actually in fact just waltzed by and it was only after she hollered a second time that I heard. Later I walked away quietly after mumbling a few greetings to her. Her sister called me like minutes ago to tell me,my friend only reached home at 4am last night. She had become forlorn because she wondered what had made me "upset". And I protested that I wasn't "upset"! But I realized that I understood the impact things or people have on each other. This sweet lady,friend of mine had been depressed of late and I had helped her see the light after telling her repeatedly that there was hope in life and in people. She had slowly walked out of her melancholy. She had lost her parents at a young age and was now facing a marital crisis,she was thinking of leaving her son too. And she told me how perturbed and troubled she had been everyday. So I went and got her a book that had helped me previously tremendously and I tried to meet her as often as I could. Shortly,afterwards she became a renewed happy individual. And she told me she owed it to me and wanted to thank me in whatever way possible. I felt that I had not done much at all but shared with her visions of optimism and hope I had found,in that silvery linning.

And when I realized to my horror that after I had "relived" the unhappiness I had been through previously after I wrote my very angsty blog yesterday, it must have affected me subconsciously. And in turn affected her when she didn't see a usual cheery face from me. Wow. I feel really bad about this. Because on one hand, I'm touched that there is someone so dependent on me for her dose of positivity (she is still vulnerable despite being fine now), on the other hand,I have to remind myself to be responsible for my emotions. Afterall I'm a believer of all things positive and happy.:) I admit however that I tend to feel too deeply sometimes,so even my own work can confound me. It's like reliving the whole spectacle of the world falling apart. That is by writing out the Mandarin and English lyrics of Lies again.

Next time I promise to just attach a word document instead.Ha.

Sorry for causing anyone to "relive" such a bitter aftertaste. I promise to make it up with photos from a photoshoot over the weekend in Tainan and also exciting happy mini pizzas exclusively made by me the next time I see u.:)

big kiss

Lydia