Learning from failure.

The first time I prayed for a stranger to be “healed” was an absolute disaster.

There was a season where all that was on my heart was to see someone get healed. I’d heard testimonies, friends talk about it, and I was so desperate to see if God’s healing power was real.

So one day I was taking the subway and I prayed, “God give me a chance to pray for someone!” Moments after the train stopped, the doors opened and sitting outside was a girl w/ a cast on her foot. She was being pushed on a wheelchair by I’m assumming her brother. As I stepped out of the train, I completely froze. I was completely struck with fear. After that, the girl rolled away and I sat there discouraged.

Going home, I was still determined to pray for someone. I didn’t care what it took… I wasn’t going home unless I at least attempted to ask someone. So as I was on the bus ride home I decided to stop by the the hospital and try my luck there. I figured there had to be someone I could pray for there.

After walking into the hospital, I saw another man in a wheel chair w/ a foot in a cast. With complete faith and confidence, I walked right passed him… I then sat in the lobby for about 10 minutes battling my fear. After that I walked back out and looked for the man. The man was casually sitting outside of a Starbucks smoking a cigarette. Going out to pray for him, I first went into the starbucks and bought a drink before awkwardly standing next to the man. After gathering enough courage, I asked him what happened to his leg. I then asked him if his leg hurt. He said yes. After that, I then stood there again not saying anything. After a few minutes I finally asked him, Can I pray for your foot? He looked at me and said no… Awkward silence… More time passes by… Sheepishly, I asked him if I could help push his chair anywhere. He annoyingly rolled away, and I left feeling completely foolish.

Walking home, all these negative thoughts entered my head. I thought maybe I wasn’t chosen to do this, or I wasn’t gifted enough, or I wasn’t pure enough, or maybe I wasn’t like the “famous” evangelists that we all know.

After sulking for a while, I realized how absurd and ridiculous all these thoughts were. I realized that a person getting healed was not dependent on “my” credentials, but solely on my faith, obedience and God’s goodness. That anyone who believes and calls upon the name of Jesus can see a miracle.

Since that time, I’ve seen people get healed, and also many people get touched by God’s love. I’ve learned so much from that failure and I thank God for that humiliating experience. Since then, I now know all things are truly meaningless if they are not done out of love.