Love of a best friend (part 2) - The beauty she left me, a wellspring of wisdom

I could see the beautiful message she left me. How she turned her death into an inspiring and touching love story. Can you imagine her singing this?

If I should stay.如果我留下来。

I would only be in Ur way.我会成为你的羁绊。

So I'll go.所以我离去。

But I know.但我知道。

I'll think of U every step of the way.我每迈出的一步都会想着你。

Xu Xu insisted mutual caress, company, love, and affection before entering her eternal sleep. She tried drawing a smile on my face despite her pain whilst staring deeply into my eyes. Treasuring every second she was gracefully spared with by looking deep and clear at THE ONE face in front of her. The familiar face who had loved her abundantly, spoiled her excessively and disciplined her hasrshly when she made mistakes.

I had asked myself more than a hundred times but it has not convinced me in anyway to stop asking for the 1000th time "IS SHE REALLY JUST A HAMSTER?".  I have had countless pets dying before. Those incidents brought to me nothing close to this. This particular incident did not show "me" losing a pet, a loved pet. It picturized a man losing a much beloved best friend. I know for sure this incident wouldn't have shaken me up or impacted me so deeply if she had not done what she HAD done in last 8 hours of her life. Her doing what she did, sliced my heart open with fresh blood flowing out of it every minute I was awake. For as long as I could still recall, broken love-relationships had not hurt my heart as far as her leaving me. This proves real friendships are not necessarily defined or limited through genders, races, species or time. My precious very little and mini friend never failed to make me smile and laugh notwithstanding the sky falling down on my shoulders. Her last moments melted the iceberg of my heart.  

Somehow, for a long time I had foreseen myself to be very saddened if faced with her death. So, I tried rentlessly to have her bearing babies which of course to no avail. Her insisting to remain a virgin was probably a fate. Some things were just not meant to be and could not be forced. Ow, one funny flash back on the last conversation we had, she yanked so hard when I apologized to her for constantly trying to get her to mate and reproduce. She made me laugh while feeling really guilty at the same time.

Bitter sweet memories.苦涩而甜蜜的回忆。 That is all I'm taking with me.是我带走的唯一东西。 So goodbye,please don't cry.再见吧,请不要哭泣。 We both know I'm not what U need.我们彼此都知道我不是你所需。

For a while, I was miserable, sad and beaten for days following her death when Xu Xu talked to me through "here" (my heart).  Her message was loud and clear  vibrating down my nerves. She explained how she was not being good. Neither was she just loving me  thus request ed my constant companion during her last moments. Surprisingly she claimed to just desiring to thoroughly enjoy herself the best she could during the time she was spared with. Coincidentally what  she had always enjoyed most was to be caressed and spoiled by me (she told me to resize my ego and head). Even though being stroke by my fingers did not help her pain to go away but it  somehow has comforted her as it reminded her that she had once been loved so dearly. She did not waste any seconds to whine off her pain. Despite the pain and torture tormenting her,  she had treasured all (every split moment she had left on hand) and wasted none. She had ensured things which brought her most happiness done. She had also delicately gazed at one who had loved and adored her all her life. Though her pain did not get any less but the warmth had helped ease her sufferings. She was content forevermore for she had enjoyed herself exhaustively till the very end.

I hope life treats U kind.我希望生活能善待你。

And I hope U have all U dreamed off.希望你好梦成真。

And I wish 2 U joy & happiness.祝愿你美满幸福。

But above all this I wish 2 U love.更要祝福你找到真爱。

And I will always love U ! 于是我将永远爱你！I will always love U ! 我将永远爱你！Always love U ! 永远爱你！ Since young, I've wondered the key behind happiness and sung myself this song.

wouldn't you think I'm the girl who has everything? looking around here you'd think "sure, she's got everything."but who cares?

It's no big deal, I want more...

what would I give?what would I pay**?

when's it my turn?*****Unbelievably, after years I get my answer from a small and miniature sized friend who taught me joy from doing things I love most which sounds pretty simple and straightfroward actually, won't you agree? By choosing to do so, I'll still be happy and content even at the toughest or saddest times.  Yes, life will always be shocked with pain, incidents, unfortunate events. At least I'd be allowed happiness and not fall into bottomless depression so she asserted. She admited loving me but she was still loving herself more. By staying positive, happy and content, she could then bring happiness to me too. A!!!!!!!!! DA* IT! Xu Xu alwaysshowed me "things". For sometime, I thought I WASthe SMART and WISE one who should know better about life and its principles. LOOK AT ME NOW! It's amazing how I always get inspired by  species thought to be less sophisticated than humanbeings.

Yea.... so I felt better with time. I still feel her around me. Not as a companion but as a friend who whispers/shouts/spanks/loves me anytime needed. Now that she's physically gone, she can be anything, anywhere, anytime and encourages me. I do not look fowrard to hearing empathy as almost every corner of my life is filled with memories of her now. Although her last farewell Initially broke my heart literally, I have somehow concurred what and why she did the last things she endeavoured. 

I would want to share with everybody the beautiful gift Xu Xu left behind. For most of you who  read my blogs, I may not have known you in person. I wouldn't know what you are going through/facing in your personal life now. Maybe you have been living in glory or perhaps you have been stumbling in agonies. However, in both, do learn to enjoy yourself by doing what you love most. At least the warmth and peace from your true passion shall accompany you along the way both harsh and smooth. Easier said than done. Let's endeavour together, shall we? I'm not going to lose out to a graceful mini HAMSTER! hahaha... ARE YOU?Last but not least, as Xu Xu isn't here anymore; Would you allow me to share memory of her through these lyrics?

You're the best friend that I've found I know you can't stay but a part of you, your heart, will stay andwill never ever go away

*****I don't need eyes to see the love you bring to me* ***Thank you for teaching me how to love,  how to feel* *****For teaching me how to live by putting things in perspective* Teaching me how to give and how to take Letting me know what's real from what is not What I've got is more than I'd ever hoped for

Looking at you , I'd know what's beautiful foryou are the truth

You walked into my life  and stopped my tears

I'm shining like a candle in the darkWhen you tell me that you love meYour pure and simple heart willquietlypass, quietly also then we will cry

*****And here I stand, alone with every promise melted through my hands*

I will always love you; I'll remember you

I Love you, Xu Xu. Good night, darling. Sleep now, love.