Blog: Sunday, Jun 5

我剛開始幫健康生活台做記者的時候，一句中文字都不會寫。每天交 稿被重編罵得狗血淋頭。當時心身都很辛苦：無論我多努力，K多少 中文，看多少資料，完全還是看不懂及寫不好。不懂是應該的，我根 本沒學過。他常說我寫的比小學生還差，還低能，沒有持續，沒有關 連，沒有連接點。當時很想放棄，很想自暴自棄。到最後我寫劇本， 他微笑著對我說：大綱有錯字，是祕密不是秘密！今天我懂得打中文 ，寫稿，寫劇本，因為曾經有一個老師狠狠得鞭打我。我的中文是被 他逼出來的。卻。。。剛收到消息。。。他。。。自殺死了。。。我 。。。表面平靜如水。。。我的心。。。真的沒有波動嗎？在那平靜 的海面下。。。有個怎樣的水流？When I first started working for Health & Life Style Television, Channel Young SHANGHAI, I couldn't even write a single chinese word. Everyday, when it's time to hand in the script for CHIC CITIES, it'd be an awfully painful recurring experience. No matter how hard I tried, how much research I did, how many chinese articles I read, it'd never be good enough. As plain I put it, I just COULD NOT read chinese, and as natural and rightful as it can be, I had never been educated in chinese. He always said: your writing is worse than an elementary school kid, it's so retarded, there's no connecting phrase, it does not make sense, there's no stickiness factor, it's just PLAIN BAD. I really felt like giving up, giving up on the job, on the work, on the effort, on my self. That was how I lived for months, till one day, I showed him a synopsis of a script I was writing. He replied with an email that includes 2 lines. First, a smiley face and the next line that corrected a typo, oh well... not really a typo... but a mistake ON the TITLE of the script. Now I can write film script in CHINESE... was because in the past, someone, a killer teacher, used to drill death out of me. Yet... I just received a note on whatsapp a while ago, bad news, stating... he committed suicide. My reaction was ... cold, like a frozen chicken. Under that calm peaceful sea, ....really... what kind of rush lies underneath that?