Where's my Buddha? | 我的佛像在哪?

For almost two decades, every year my grandma arranges family gathering once to couple times religiously, most of the occasion we just go to her place (many has to fly from abroad but its worth it), sit down and have an authentic shanghaiese feast. Sounds ordinary right? Wrong. Every year she continues to serve us amazing food without help from her maid, she can pretty much single-handedly feed her eight kids and their spouses (including my mom and dad), those couples' children (including me), and those children's children (they call me uncle argh)! Work the math, unless u r super human, from starter to dessert, she pulls it off every year! This is one math i can never work out, and probably will remain a misery- grandma, respect!

Sadly, the feasts are over in recent years, not because of stress or decline in stamina she claims, she just cannot stand her great-grandchildren running around in the house, screaming on top of their lungs any more. Roger that gran, we can all eat out. My grandma has always been a religious buddist, so this year, like last year and the year before that, we have vegetarian(!), but thats not the end of it, there is a catch- charity event, in other words, a pain. First off the meal costs a ridiculous 200.00 USD almost per head, then there is an auction for fund raiser over some annoyingly loud speakers, and o i almost forgot, there was dancing and singing too, strictly for old timer buddists' appreciation of course. Apparently the 820 grand raised this year goes to monestary construction or sthg, for some buddha monk i have never heard of... now that i think about it, i dont know any of them. But hey, whatever makes our gran happy, she had a bliss tonite. We managed to win a bid at 6.4 grand, and bring us home a crystalline buddah statue- my home in fact, at least for the time being. Why? Cos the careless guy who won the bid forgot to pick up the item after the event, and i happen to be this guy's son! There is a funny moment though, when we were about to leave the premise, nobody knows where the buddah is and she freaks out,' WHERE is my buddah?!' Fascinating lady.| 20年多來，我奶奶每年都會虔誠地組織一次或幾次家庭聚會，大部分情況下我們只是去她家(很多親屬都從國外飛來，但是值得)、坐下、享受一頓上海盛宴。聽起來很普通?你錯了。每年她都不用傭人幫忙，親自下廚為我們做可口飯菜。她一個人能打理八個子女、他們的配偶(其中有我爸媽)及子女(包括我)、子女的孩子(他們叫我叔叔，哈)的餐食!算算看，除非你是超人，從開胃菜到甜點，每年她都一個人搞定!這是我從未算出的難題，非常辛苦–奶奶，我崇拜你!

不幸的是，近年來盛宴取消了，不是因為壓力或她自己說的精力衰退，原因是她再也無法忍受曾孫們在房子裏亂跑，扯著嗓子大叫。收到奶奶，我們可以在外面吃。我奶奶是個虔誠的佛教徒，因此今年就象去年、前年一樣，我們吃素(!)不止於此，還有募捐–慈善活動，換句話說，是痛苦。首先晚餐均攤到每個人身上竟然要200美元，接著是通過一個煩人的麥克風大聲進行拍賣籌款。哦，我都忘了，還有唱歌和跳舞，當然嚴格按照舊式佛教徒的喜好。今年我們為修建一座廟宇或什麽項目募到了82萬美元，為我從未聽說過的和尚…其實我也從沒聽說過哪個。只要奶奶高興就好，她是菩薩心腸。最後我們用6400塊成功把一尊水晶佛像請回家-其實是我家，至少是目前。為什麽?因為競標成功的粗心家夥拍賣結束後忘了去領競標品，而我恰好是這個家夥的兒子!真有趣，當我們打算請佛像回家時，沒人知道佛像去哪了，她消失了。我的佛像呢?!神奇的女士。

| 20年多来，我奶奶每年都会虔诚地组织一次或几次家庭聚会，大部分情况下我们只是去她家(很多亲属都从国外飞来，但是值得)、坐下、享受一顿上海盛宴。听起来很普通?你错了。每年她都不用佣人帮忙，亲自下厨为我们做可口饭菜。她一个人能打理八个子女、他们的配偶(其中有我爸妈)及子女(包括我)、子女的孩子(他们叫我叔叔，哈)的餐食!算算看，除非你是超人，从开胃菜到甜点，每年她都一个人搞定!这是我从未算出的难题，非常辛苦–奶奶，我崇拜你!

不幸的是，近年来盛宴取消了，不是因为压力或她自己说的精力衰退，原因是她再也无法忍受曾孙们在房子里乱跑，扯着嗓子大叫。收到奶奶，我们可以在外面吃。我奶奶是个虔诚的佛教徒，因此今年就象去年、前年一样，我们吃素(!)不止于此，还有募捐–慈善活动，换句话说，是痛苦。首先晚餐均摊到每个人身上竟然要200美元，接着是通过一个烦人的麦克风大声进行拍卖筹款。哦，我都忘了，还有唱歌和跳舞，当然严格按照旧式佛教徒的喜好。今年我们为修建一座庙宇或什么项目募到了82万美元，为我从未听说过的和尚…其实我也从没听说过哪个。只要奶奶高兴就好，她是菩萨心肠。最后我们用6400块成功把一尊水晶佛像请回家-其实是我家，至少是目前。为什么?因为竞标成功的粗心家伙拍卖结束后忘了去领竞标品，而我恰好是这个家伙的儿子!真有趣，当我们打算请佛像回家时，没人知道佛像去哪了，她消失了。我的佛像呢?!神奇的女士。