to scrape for cholera / cạo gió / gua-sha 刮痧 / kerok

You heard me. Dont laugh its not funny.... argh. Some of you might be pondering, what on earth is it 'to scrape for cholera' / gua-sha? Well, it is in fact one of those ancient chinese medical treatment, that involves 'repeated pressured strokes over lubricated skin with a smooth edge', sounds pretty simple right? The french called it tribo-effleurage, or cạo gió in vietnamese, kerok in indonesian, and last but not least, gua-sha in chinese; i believe there were never an english equivalent because they were so freaked out by its brutality, let alone naming it. Even if there is a name, it would probably be 'spooning' or sthg just impossible to glorify. This is how they do it:

1) take out ceramic spoon/ well worn coin/ honed animal bones/ metal cap with blunt edge,

2) apply lubricant on skin tenderly to relax patient,

3) without warning, scrape the hell out of the skin until apparent red blotches manifest from beneath,

4) repeat motion, turn up yoga music to cover groans and moans,

5) upon completion, advice patient to turn down boat trip/ bikini party on weekend, if any reason required, discreetly apply ear plugs, before

6) showing the mirror.

Those of u who tried it, know the pain, which is almost unbearable. But we also know that the result is often, surprisingly, effective. My right shoulder has been frozen for a couple years, now that i have gone through this ninety minutes of scraping of hell, my hand can reach further up of my back, which is always good when it itches. The horrific blood stains disappear after three to four days, unless u r in a bikini contest, its no harm to stay out of the beach, just for a couple of days, right?

Repeat after me, gua-sha.