Affairs Of The Heart

Skot Suyama is a person I speak to on a daily basis.  He is an extremely spiritual person with a lot of soul in him. He reminded me today that sometimes I can put it all aside. I can put these recording sessions, these beats, these songs and even, these dreams aside if it meant I can live for a minute.I have been extremely conscious in my admission that I may have buried myself in my work or my music. Can't draw the line between the two anymore. So while people like you and you may have a normal routine, for some strange reason, I have descended into a hermit-styled routine that sees me having very little contact with the outside world, except for contact with the same circle of friends. I couldn't stop writing because everything I was writing never fully satisfied everyone. But Skot reminded me that a song is a song. Which if he's right, means, I got close to 300 full songs now. Why aren't we laughing our way to the bank yet? So I wake early each morning. No coffee, no nothing. Just toothpaste, toothbrush, a cold shower and a smile maybe. Then we get straight to it. And for the rest of the day, it's lab work. I loose track of time and lately I noticed, days become weeks and it's all a blur.The first doctor asked me how often I take breaks. I have had about 8 days off this year so far. And they were never really off days because I would crawl back into the lab to write another song. The doctor said that maybe I wanted to take a break. For the first time, I am seriously considering it.  But I have responsibilities to two close friends which I totally intended to honor.But aside from that, maybe it is time to breathe. Enjoy this life that comes with making music.It's 2:45 am right now.There is no longer pain in my heart and chest. There was no attack today and I took the medication obediently. However, there is still fast heartbeats and some hyper-ventilation.This is a first for me. I think I'll be back in the hospital soon because I do wanna do the other test to find out if this heart of mine, which is so big and pure, is not trippin out on me.I'm feeling very reflective. A little nervous but steady. To make it all "better", there's a girl in my life who's really kinda breakin' my heart lately.