Sleep Apnea and Other Bedtime Obstructions.

I am spending these two days being tested for sleep apnea. Actually, I spent last night being tested:

If this is what suicide bombers go through, no wonder they hit the switch.

I got wired up like this at 4 in the afternoon, then spent the next six hours just waiting to get sleepy.

With all this sh*t all over me.

The strange part was that if I had inappropriate thoughts about the nurse, she would appear and ask why I rang the call button...

Please put down the enema. It'll never happen again, I promise.

Tonight, I will try out the treatment. It involves forcing air into my lungs to keep my airway open so I don't snore or wake myself up. I have to wear a mask and a strap that will keep my mouth shut.

Good thing I live alone, huh?:

I just want to be held. Is that so wrong???

Karmically speaking, having to now wear this thing to bed means that soon someone will want to share my bed with me, which I have had to myself for three years. This would be a new and ostensibly positive occurrence.

Until they see this getup and understandably run screaming for the elevator.

Women like to cuddle, but no woman would want to cuddle with The Idiot In the Iron Lung. Do you find me repulsive??? - Charles Laughton, The Hunchback of Notre Dame