Random Stupididity

True story:

One day as a teenager, I walked into the kitchen where my sister was standing. "Wow, Gucci belt," she said, remarking about a belt I had gotten for Christmas.

Such was (and is) my fashion illiteracy, and the relentlessly antagonistic nature of our kinship, that I assumed she was insulting me some strange new term.

Flustered, I could only reply "Well... your shoes are pretty f@#$ing goochy too!"

Luckily for me she laughed.

And I'm sure the only thing truly Gucci about that belt was the green/red/green color scheme...

But I was thinking about 'fashion.'

It's a religionhere in Hong Kong. With a church on every corner and 'televangelists' galore.

I am necessarily a heathen, in that NONE of the clothing made here fits me. Even XXL is still Chinese XXL.

Not that anyone should feel bad about being smaller rather than bigger...

In Hong Kong, if someone wears designer EVERYTHING, it's called 'face.'

In the US, if someone wears designer everything, we know that they're just trying to make us thinkthey're rich.

Reallyrich Americans dress like slobs.

Now, supposedly Louis Vuitton luggage keeps your clothes from being wrinkled. Of course, for that kind of $, it better!

Me personally, I'd rather use the cash to extend my vacation another week and just stay in a hotel with a f@#$ing iron in the room.

Besides, I'm on vacation; who caresif my clothes are wrinkled?

And I don't give a f@#$ WHERE Vivienne Westwood got her start (you'd be surprised); I don't care for it.

So obviously, in a city full of Fashionistas, I am a Contra.

Anybody who gets that reference is probably NOT a fashionista...

I say all that as a preface to asking what is the proper response when a person asks me "Who's your favorite designer?"

This has actually happened.

I was flummoxed.

I don't even ask people who their favorite bandis. Favorite designer?

Me???

It probably didn't help that I just laughed in their face.

Then again, so what? I offended someone who asked me what I thought was a vacuous and wildly irrelevant question. Big ducking feal.

Then again, perhaps I should retroactively thank them. Maybe even apologize.

Nahhh... just thank them.

Because I started to think about how to answer that question, and I found an answer.

Who's my favorite designer?

God.

I can admit, women look really great in designer clothes.

But they look even better out of them.

Thank you, God.