On Being Inked the F@#$ Up

Someone asked me to take pictures of all my tattoos and explain them.Someone elsemay not believe that explanation, but what can I do?

 I'll try to explain them as best I can...

1 - First tattoo: Seattle, WA, July 1990. Right shoulder. I found a $50 bill on the floor of an IHOP. It commemorates my commitment to something. The commitment turned 20 this year.2 - I got it on my 13 th anniversary in 2001. I triple-checked it before I got it done. 3-I always loved Pushead's completely overstated images. This thing is so over the top it's funny. I did this as a video project for a Nonverbal Communication class  during my Master's. When Dr. Cummings realized what I was going to do in the video, she almost fainted. But she still uses it to this day to show students what 'grade motivation' really means.4-If I make mistakes or do things wrong, at least they come from honesty and not deception.5 -A Far Side cartoon once showed God kicking ass on a game show. I thought it was the best image of God I had ever seen. Yes, I know Leviticus 19:28.

6 - Puzzle pieces, unjoined at center. They go all the way around the inside. Yes, across the tenderpart.

7 - My 13 th anniversary. I designed it myself. It's my lucky number AND my shoe size.

8- Jimmy Ho Tattoo, Jordan,

Hong Kong. He tattooed Ti Lung and Chan Wai Man. I like that they are not identical. I get a lot of stares when I go to saunas.9 - This is Celtic for “All things belong to the brave,” their explanation to the Romans for handing the Etruscans their own ass. If you get tattooed across your sternum, you will never have to prove your bravery ever again. It was so painful it was fascinating.10- The Van Halen 1984 tour mascot. Be careful whom you trust.

11 - Spicy hands. The best definition I ever got for this phrase was a person who would solve problems by any means, often creating a larger problem in doing so. Nolo contendere.

The University of Rhode Island Ram. I graduated in 1995. It is not an expression of Rhody pride. In graduate school, one of my students was murdered by a police officer during his senior year. He was going to attend medical school, get a commission in the Navy, and marry his fiancee. Do a search for “Prince Jones” with “Carlton Jones.” The Fist of Gonzo. Hunter S. Thompson once said “Buy the ticket, take the ride.” Be responsible for what you do and accept the consequences. If you conduct yourself that way, the scope of what you can do, and get away with, is mind-boggling. I took this in the mirror, then reversed it. That skin color is called "TV Tan."

Magic Tattoo, Jordan,

Aug. 2, 2001 Hong Kong. I sat in a chair facing a clock while Omar did this. Ten minutes after he starts, a pack of come into the shop, and one of them pulls up a chair right behind me and watches. And smokes. You know that feeling when someone’s behind you? But you can’t move, because someone is drilling your collarbone. It took 93 minutes. I know because all I could see was that f@#$ing clock.Everybody needs a snake. The inside of your arms are very sensitiveInner right wrist. It's a GREAT 'Tight-Ass Detector.'

In the US, they used to have signs saying “No dogs, no sailors, no Irish.” The dog has a sailor hat and a four-leaf clover on his chain. The banner underneath is Gaelic for “Kiss my ass.”Bill the Cat from Bloom

County. I got it to remind me that back in the 80s, people said I looked and acted like him. Ack Chynese Tattoos, TST, Hong Kong, 2005.  From a  cave painting. I used to hunt deer with a bow and arrow. Not those modern ones. Like Robin Hood. 

Magic Tattoo, Jordan,

Hong Kong, 2006. My 40th birthday present from a pack of research

subjects who worked in the horizontal refreshment industry. I find it appeals to my crasser nature.

Ace Dragon Tattoo, TST, Hong Kong, 2006. Gabe does amazing work. This was 3 hours for the orange, then three more hours for the black. But it was worth it.