Movie Review: The Treasure Hunter/刺陵

Ideally, I was supposed to have been in Central tonight, working with Jun Kung/Eugene and the Pows for their New Year's gig at Grappa's. After the gig, I am sure we'd have managed a late run through the Alivenotdead New Year Party.

Well, that ain't the way it happened. I got sick this week with what is probably a sinus infection. My head feels like I have a 6 lb. blob of putty sitting right behind my eyes and I feel generally like sh*t. I've been house-bound for three days, and I decided tonight to sally forth in search of diversion (and more cough syrup).

A truncated Movie Night gang had decided to see The Treasure Hunter/刺陵tonight in lieu of New Years excess. So we all gathered in Mongkok to watch this at our old favorite, The Dynasty, or, as it is known in rap circles, Da Nasty. Which gives you an indication of how we expected the film to be.Notice no one in this poster is looking you in the eyes?Anyone hunting treasure will not find it in this film. The best thing I can say about it is that I saw it in 2009 so it won't, for me, sully the 2010 film calendar.

Sadly for me, a lot of what I dislike in this film has to do with who made it, where it was made, and whom it was made for. I'm going to probably raise a few hackles here, but I don't care.

I have heard from others the lament that Chinese people, especially Hong Kong people, are more likely to copy something successful than to try and innovate on their own. I've heard the Japanese say that it better to make 1 perfect bowl than 10,00 poor ones, which is an implicit dig at China. After tonight's movie, I can see why.

This film is a cheap, sloppy, dumb knock-off of Indiana Jones and The Good, The Bad, and The Weird.

Except that (some of) those movies are good.The Treasure Hunter/刺陵is lazy, dull, uninteresting, nonsensical, and so poorly directed that you become grateful there's no real narrative arc, because if there were, the direction would cripple it.

Much like Kung Fu Cyborgis to Transformers,The Treasure Hunter/刺陵will no doubt have more than a few Chinese people gladly puffing out their chest and saying "See? We can make films as good as the Koreans and Americans!"

No, you can't. At least, not this time.

I'm sure the film will do well in China, since it is China-friendly in predictable ways (the only thing super-natural is the indomitable will of the people!), and those ways are achieved with all the usual aplomb and dexterity.

I.e. like an epileptic in a minefield.The Treasure Hunter/刺陵 looks fairly nice, has interesting locations, and it has Jay Chou pouting.

$$ Cha-ching $$

I could spend a long time enumerating the many ways that this film fails, sucks, confounds, and angers, but I have better things to do with my life.

Like slip into a narcotic coma and go to sleep.

I knew the film was going to be unintentionally funny. I just didn't think it could manage to be thisbad.

Sadly, I was wrong.

Go watch it as a comedy, and you will get a laugh out of it.Approach it from any other angle (including a cough-syrup haze) and you'll be disappointed, very possibly outraged, and tearfully asking why it didn't kiss you a little first.