Movie Review: The Mummy 3

I am a Dummy for Watching The Mummy

I could be nice and say SPOILERS AHEAD, except that no one should watch this film, and all the surprises in the film are negative in nature.

I'm going to use this film in my class, because it shows how you can check off everything on the screenplay checklist and still come up with an utterly awful, nearly unwatchable film.

Jet Li got paid US$13 million dollars, and God bless him, because he's CGI for 90% of the film.

That's good work if you can get it.

The only person in this film I liked was the drunken brother-in-law, Jonathan.

Well, him and the yak, though she gets out fast, like any smart mammal should have. And at least she was animatronic, not CGI like the yetis.

Yes, I saidyetis. Spoiled that surprise, or spared you from it.

The replacement wife is annoying, the frat boy son is too, and Brendan Fraser acting stupid is not as entertaining as it used to be.

Probably because he's not acting.

I feel awful for Anthony Wong having to channel Warner Oland. The whole film was a remarkably Orientalist throwback, and I squirmed in my seat more than once.

Oh, and the none-too-subtle (remember, it's written for Americans) anti-CCP subtext was more than slightly off-putting, with its exhortations to Sinophobia. Especially since they conveniently made the bad guys resemble the KMT. Hey, 1.5 billion people is a lot of cash to forgo.

The only good thing I can say is thank God they didn't make Isabella Leung speak with more accent than she has, which is not much.

But they of course made her fall for the white kid in no time flat, just likeForbidden Kingdom, etc.

It was funny to read some reviewer raving about the Jet/Michelle duel, when it was so heavily edited (and obviously doubled) that you could hardly tell who was fighting.

What a piece of junk. But what else should I expect from the director of such cinematic gems asxXx,The Fast and the Furious, andStealth?

Maybe I'm being too critical. Or maybe the movie is just that bad.

It's my birthday, so the criticism is my little gift to me. And I'm trying to philanthropically prevent others from making the same mistake I did.

Disclaimer: Kozo bought my ticket as a birthday present, and I am very grateful for the gift. But the movie still sucked.

ps42, just like the meaning of life.