Movie Review: City Under Siege/全城戒备

Disclaimer: I had a good, hefty review going last week when my computer suddenly dropped dead, and naturally I lost the better part of said review. Sorry for the delay, but I’ve been busy this week.

*****That city is Tokyo; read on…*

When I saw the trailer for this film, I called “Dynasty!” on it. In a rare schism among the Gang of Film (電影人幫), I was left as the leader of a splinter group who felt that the film did not merit a serious viewing.

I think I was right. It doesn’t merit serious viewing, but it more than invites serious criticism.

Let me dispense with the film itself (something I strongly encourage all of you to do, without watching it, a luxury I cannot claim).

In the same way that Kung Fu Cyborg was pretty much a “China can do it too!” version of Transformers, City Under Siege/全城戒备comes off in many ways as the same idea applied to The Fantastic Four.

It also fails just as miserably and laughably.

I called Dynasty on this film’s trailer because the CGI looked cheap and dumb for 3 minutes.

Unfortunately, City Under Siege/全城戒备is 90 minutes long.

It’s the story of a man who discovers he has superhuman powers and fights off a quartet of similarly empowered bad guys.

He is assisted by two people whose origin is nearly unspoken (Wu Jing and Zhang Jing Chu). We are given absolutely no information whatsoever as to why, human as they are, they can nonetheless keep up with these superhuman mutants. Probably because they’re from the Big Red Country.

And they are righteous. You can tell because they speak Mandarin.

The origin of the mutants, however, is made painfully clear, and is no less didactic, ham-fisted, and downright stupid.

Of course, that can be said for the very opening frames of the film itself.

The first image we see is Japanese soldiers brutalizing Chinese prisoners.

Odd, really, that the Japanese also brutalized the living dogsh*t out of Western prisoners too, but we never seem to see that in China movies. We must have deserved it…

The film opens on late-WWII Malaysia, where the Japanese  are conducting diabolical experiments to create superhuman soldiers to crush their enemies.

Because Japan is evil. And their deeds must never be forgotten.

If you don’t believe me, ask Ip Man.

Then, in modern-day Malaysia, a group of Chinese people venture into the same underground complex (after assaulting the people they followed to it). They are there to steal gold.

Of course, it’s only stealing if you think Malaysia is a sovereign nation. But there are so many Chinese people there that you can assume it’s really part of China (that silly flag and government are just decorative) so taking the gold isn’ttheft. Because theft is wrong, and Chinese people are righteous and law abiding.

And f@#$ Japan.

In their search, these violent criminals open containers clearly marked DO NOT OPEN, releasing the chemicals which turn them into superhuman mutants.

Don’t you get it? The Japanese did it intentionally. They’re trying to stop China’s peaceful rise!

Those Japanese are so evil.

You know what? I am sick and f@#$ing tired of this horsesh*t. But I promised a while back that every time China pulls this chicanery, I’m going to call them on it.

To that end, a few links.

From Wikipedia’s page on China-Japan relations post-WWII:

Although China renounced the right to war reparations from Japan[5] in the 1972 Joint Communiqué, Japan gave ODA (official development assistance), amounting to 3 trillion yen (30 billion USD, 90% of which are low interest loans). In Japan, this was perceived as a way of making amends to China for past military aggression. According to estimates, Japan accounts for more than 60 percent of China’s ODA received. About 25 percent of the funding for all of China’s infrastructure projects between 1994 and 1998 — including roads, railways, telecom systems and harbours — came from Japan.[6]

Japanese aid to China was rarely formally publicized to the Chinese people by the Chinese government, until Japan announced that aid was to be phased out. It was finally publicly acknowledged by Chinese premier Wen Jiabao during his April 2007 trip to Japan.[7]

Here are some more links that  make clear the extent of Japan’s reparations as well as the CCP’s manipulation of its own people:

http://www.cc.kyoto-su.ac.jp/project/orc/econ-public/china/documents/WUDP28.pdf

The English in this one is not perfect, but it provides a lot of useful information:http://www.cc.kyoto-su.ac.jp/project/orc/econ-public/china/documents/WUDP28.pdf

So, to recap:

1945: America defeats Japan (apparently in Chinese, ‘China’ and ‘America’ are the same word).

Japan ceases to have any responsibility whatsoeverfor what happens in China.

During WWII, 10-20 million Chinese people die as a direct result of Japanese actions.

1949: The People’s Republic of China is founded.

1958-1961: The Great Leap Backward.

1966-1976: The Cultural De-evolution.

During Mao’s reign (no other word for it)20-50 million Chinese people die because of Mao’s actions.

1972: China renounces reparations from Japan.

1972-2007 (or so): Japan pays them anyway.

2007: China finally admits to receiving aid from Japan.

2010: China movies still demonize Japan in an effort to distract Chinese viewers from the utter moral bankruptcy of their ruling body and the domestic problems that are that party’s responsibility.

Or, in this case, they do it to distract the audience from an utterly sh*tty film.

A comedian once joked that while he’s been single for years, serial murderers on death row get marriage proposals daily. I know how he feels.

Because the logic of City Under Siege/全城戒备 is so bad that Shu Qi actually pulls over to ask Aaron Kwok (as the ghost of Richard Simmons) to change her tire, even though he looks like this::

“Can I eat your headrest?”

The rest of the prosthetic ‘effects’ are just as bad.

*****Robin Chou stars inTae Bo: The Billy Blanks Story.*

I was reallyglad I watched this movie at the Dynasty.

***Oh sht… it’s Asparagus Man!

Wu Jing stars in Blow Up Sex Doll Cop.

The martial arts were unsurprisingly bad:

Busting Edison Chen Style. Dog.

Benny Chan has directed some of my favorite movies: A Moment of Romance (1990), Man Wanted (1995), Big Bullet(1996), Invisible Target(2007), and Connected(2008).

Then again, he did Rob-B-Hood (2006).

Hey, it’s a free country (at least until 2046). So if Benny Chan wants to stuff the China Market C*ck this far down his own throat, more power to him. But that doesn’t mean I have to watch it.

Neither do you.