In Fairness to Women and Homosexuals

"He ain't the most masculine fellow in the world..." - Eddie Murphy on Michael Jackson

I'll be the first to admit that the rules of masculinity are highly relative, culturally speaking.

But I am not really trying to get at masculinity. There's something that's been bothering me, and I've been trying to work it out.

In fact, I've been struggling to work it out for some time, since I realize that we have unfortunately and incorrectly impugned groups who don't deserve to be burdened by association with the people who are the object of my ire.

Who are they?

They are the 'men' I see who have manicures. Who have bigger hairstyles and smaller waists, less spine and more makeup than the women that accompany them (why is beyond me).

They are the selfish, arrogant little pricks who cut in front of women and old people to get through a door they won't deign to hold for anyone else, and have the f@#$ing nerve to do it with a smirk.

In most places, you would have a slew of names to call these jackwipes. Most would reference homosexuals, women, or women's genitalia.

But none of them are fair or accurate.

These irritating little twerps are not any of those words that insult women and gay men. I'm not being PC, I'm beingfair.

Nobodydeserves any kind of negative relationship to these swishing non-entities, especially not people who have enough to deal with already.

I know plenty of women and gay men  who have more than enough character, heart, and fortitude that it's just stupid to tarnish them with  being like these ineffectual fashion plates, even in name.

These fellows' nonverbal communication is so homosexual-looking to me that my gay friends in Hong Kong, some of whom call themselves 'obviously gay,' have all had totell methey were gay and ask why I didn't know. It's because their behavīors are far from unique in this city.

I wouldn't say this except that so many Hong Kong women feel the same way; they look for boyfriends and findgirlfriends.

Have you ever heard the wordeffete? Look at these definitions:

1. lacking in wholesome vigor; degenerate; decadent.
2. exhausted of vigor or energy; worn out.

3. unable to produce; sterile.

4. Depleted of vitality, force, or effectiveness; exhausted.

5. Marked by self-indulgence, triviality, or decadence.

6. Overrefined; effeminate.

Marked by excessive self-indulgence and moral decay.

A lot of women I know here think that it describes a lot of local menperfectly.

I get frustrated because I don't have the right vocabulary to castigate these swine. I instinctively want to call them names I now realize are inaccurate.

And it doesn't help for me to want to say to them "Be aman," because that's not really the issue.

At the far end of metro-sexuality is solipsism. These figpuckers are so stuck on themselves its nauseating. Who the f@#$ do you think you are? You ain't all that, sashaying through the mall in your silk shirt and your pointy shoes.

At least if you were gay, there would be a plausible explanation why you prefer your PSP to the woman next to you on the MTR. You know, the one holding your arm and looking lonely...?

If you're not gay, preferring a video game to a real live woman is just f@#$ing stupid or creepy or both.

You know what? Real men don't hold doors for old people.

DECENT F@#$ING HUMAN BEINGS hold doors for old people. Oranyoneelse.

Of course, that involves thinking about or even, God forbid,doing something  for someone other thanyourself.

Like not tying up the water fountain at the gym because you're FIXING YOUR F@#$ING HAIR IN THE MIRROR OVER THE FOUNTAIN.

IN THE F@#$ING GYM!!!

F@#$ every last f@#$ing one of you. You make me sick.

Not because I'm homophobic, and not because I'm an arrogantgweilo.

It's because you're self-centered pieces of shit who deserve to get slapped in the head for being such a self-absorbed bunch of jerkoffs, and in a better society that's what would happen when you disrespect those around you.

Oh, and if I have upset any of you who fit this descrīption,so f@#$ing what?

What're you gonna do? Cry? Spray cologne at me?Shop?

I know you'd never take a swing at me; you mightbreak a nail...

F@#$ you.

Women and gay men are infinitely better than you, youeffetelittle shitstain.

Here's hoping the friction from those f@#$ing velour pants sets your balls on fire and you don't breed.

Seriously, if I have offended you, please, just imagine I am a squirrel.

Andeat my nuts.