I Don't Care How Much I Exercise...

I'll never look like this.

That's Rick, my chiropractor and good friend, and his wife Gigi.

He's also the person I go to the gym with. He's a very patient and inspirational gym partner. But it does also imbue me with a sense of futility. I'll never look like that, and not just because I'm not Chinese...

But I do feel really lucky to be exercising with someone that obviously knows what he's doing, and I have to say he is the nicest person I've ever met in this kind of shape.

One reason I never cared for gyms was being surrounded by narcissistic 'plate-heads'  who had to think for a second if you asked them how to spell CIA and would condescendingly asked if you needed a spot .

Not as much as they need an enema I don't.

Ooooh, I am jealous girlie man...

I have no similar picture to show you just how far I would have to go to get into that sort of shape. Which is, of course, exactly whyI don't have any pictures of me shirtless. It would just be unfair to me andyou. Besides, I'd have to explain the tattoos.

But here's a laugh at my expense.

Once upon a time it was 1990.

Back to the present...

I'm pretty good at mah jong.

Know how you can tell? I only eat if I win.

Yes, I know black has a slimming effect. I'm wearing two black shirts. I'd wear a black hood, but then I couldn't see the tiles.

On a brighter but related note:

Chinese history will be made next month when Wong Fei Hong

has a baby.

I bet you didn't even know he was pregnant!

I am finally in a photo with someone whose belly is larger than mine.

Winsome Chan is in here:

I will be her godfather, and I am being credited with thinking up her English name. Which is kind of silly, since an English homophone (calling Donnie Yen?) for [ win sum] is a pretty short list.

Somehow, it makes me nervous knowing that I have named (in one language, anyway) a human being. What if I'm wrong?!?!?!?

If I ever have kids, out of decency and fairness I'll name them Cheng Sau Yeung (Please Adopt Me).

Yes, I am assuming that if I ever had children, they would be (at least) half Chinese.

Hubris? Hardly.

Statistics.

98% of the people in Hong Kong are Chinese. Logically, 98% of the women in Hong Kong are Chinese. Even at 90%, the example holds.

I ain't Louis Koo Tin Lok. I can ill afford to write off 98% of the sample.

Also, I don't drink, hate dance 'music', and spend no time in Stanley, Disco Bay, Starbucks, or Lan Kwai Fong, and prefer Wong Jing to Wong Kar Wai...

Not that any of those things are bad. Just bad for me.

Besides, I could never raise a realHong Kong kid; it would be okay for the maidto discipline the childin my house. Or on the MTR, or anywhere else in public.

I believe it was Bernie Mac who once said "If you're grown enough to talk back, you're old enough to get f@#$ed up!"

Hong Kong is proof that Catholic schools no longer implement corporal punishment.

My goddaughter won't be like that, though. Her parents wouldn't allow it. They don't feel it's necessary to feel superior by sh*tting on people you think are lower than you.

At 193cm/115kg, what if I acted like that?

That's what I thought.