God don't like ugly, and he ain't too fond of stupid, neither

"Those who can do; those who can't, teach." - George Bernard Shaw

"George Bernard Shaw can go fuck himself..." - whitebison66, Ph.D.

Before you get your shorts in a twist, I should tell you that both of my parents think that's very funny. And they're pushing 70.

Besides, I'm not the one ganking Rasputin's look:

People rarely ask me why I became an educator. They often instead 'ask' "Oh, you couldn't make it in the realworld?"

Yes, that's my dirty secret; I ran screaming from a world of suits and Blackberries because I didn't have the sand to sell things.

Or a background in drunken homo-erotic fraternity initiation rituals, but I managed to survive.

I've heard lots of people say education in general, and a PhD in particular, is meaningless.

Of course, none of those people actually havea PhD, but somehow we're expected to listen to what they say as something other than pedantic inanity.

I've been in higher education for a decade, and the closest thing to an ivory tower I ever saw was the Washington monument, when I was in graduate school there.

I like to tell my students that there is no such thing as a stupid question, only stupid people.

Because there arestupid questions:

If I start the DVD, and the credits have just kicked in, don't ask me or your neighbor "What's the movie called?"

Thatis a stupid question.

Because the movie is called Shut Up for Ten More Seconds and You'll Find Out.

Universities shouldn't need Special Ed classes. Should they?

Part II: Life Among the Stupid

Ever hear the legend of the Bonsai Kittens? Look it up. Apparently, the furor caused reached all the way to the FBI.

Too bad it was a joke, and an obviousone.

Because all it really does is prove that the world is chock full of ignorant dumbf*cks with too much free f@#$ing time on their hands who force us to expend time and energy for no good f@#$ing reason.

The original website is hilariously well-written, the kind of thing that requires a good vocabulary and basic facility with things like geometry to get the joke.

Or, apparently, to realize it wasa joke. People whipped themselves up into some self-righteous frenzy about something THEY WERE TOO STUPID TO SEE WAS A JOKE.

It's equally as bad that people said even if it wasn't true, it should be taken down because it was in 'poor taste.'

Don't even try that sh*t on me.

I live in a city where women wear sandals with boot tops and have multicolored neon pedicures.

I come from a country where Britney Spears' latest shift on the Skank Patrol is somehow considered national news.

I am a citizen of a nation led by a f@#$ing C student who doesn't even have as many degrees as me. The beady-eyed dullard has ruined a couple million lives, but hey, it was worth it to catch Osama just like he promised.

Wait... never mind that last part.

And don't bring it up again, or I'll excoriateyou (look it up, George) for being

un-American.

Excoriate deez un-American nuts, Rumsfeld.

Call me stupid, but I thought part of the essence of being an American was to say what we think, to NOT fall into lock-step and never say a bad word about the Maximum Leader.

Here's my tax receipt; obligations met. Now f@#$ off.

Why do we have to have "Not to be used for anything other than mowing grass" printed on lawnmowers? Because some mucking foron used one to try and trim his hedges. Had he done us the Darwinian favor and died, the society would benefit from a cute News of Numskulls piece and people would tell their friends and children "Don't be a f@#$ing idiot like this jackass and use a lawnmower for something it is obviously not designed to do."

I used to think it would end up with having to mark handguns with "Not to be used for a nasal decongestant," but on second thought, please do.  Spare me the agony of living in a world awash with the dumb.

One of my favorite YouTube videos is the oceanography student getting her leg bitten off by a shark. She's swimming a mile off the coast of Chile.

In the water, WITH THE SHARKS.

As an oceanography student, she should have known better.

I  grew up next to the ocean very near where Jawswas filmed (Cape Cod) and where the story took place (Montauk). As a 10 year old, I knew that going into the water meant giving up that seat at the top of the food chain, of possibly being shifted from the column marked Eaterto the one marked Eaten.

F@#$ that.

Here's hoping she changed majors.

Ooooh, I'm being mean. I can hear it now "My sister's friend's sorority roommate went to school with her and I'm offended."

It's times like this I want to have "So what?" tattooed upside-down on my lower lip so that while these jackanapes are standing there babbling I can just pull my lip down and not have to say a f@#$ing word.

Someone needs a nap, eh?