Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

You can always tell when a relationship turns toxic. There’s no fun it it. You dread the time spent together, whereas you used to look forward to it, laugh and really enjoy yourself. The person that used to be the center of your life now seems like a black hole that sucks all your energy, love and money out of you into an empty vacuum that threatens to destroy your soul.Can I break up with myself?

We only eat where I want to eat.

I never take myself anywhere new.

I never treat myself special.I take myself for granted.

I know all about myself. I know more about myself than I am comfortable knowing.

 I know what I’m going to say before it even comes out of my mouth.

 Every time I look at myself or hear my voice, it irritates me.Sometimes it seems like I don't even know I exist.

 I drive myself crazy with all my annoying habits.

 I sleep with myself every night, but I don’t even try to touch myself any more. I may as well be sleeping alone.

 I need some space from myself; every time I turn around, there I am.

 I don’t think I’m a healthy influence on myself.

 I need better people in my life than me.

 I never think about myself, only me.

 I don’t seem to have any direction or plan in life.How come I always get to sleep on my favorite side of the bed?

 I don’t think I consider myself part of a relationship.

I don’t think about myself when I look into the future or make plans for it.

I used to make myself laugh; now I just sound crass.

I eat every meal with me, I work with me, I live with me. I’m around myself 24/7, and I need a break from myself.

 I always do all the talking, and I never listen to myself.

I’m always in such a miserable mood that I bring myself down, too.

 I don’t think I want to have my children.Why am I afraid of introducing me to my parents?

(the last two make it sound like this is written in a closet, but that’s not the case...)

I only hang out with my friends. I never want to spend time with my friends.I know me better than I know myself.

I always make all the decisions, and it’s always what I want, when I want it.

I interrupt myself all the time, and I’m really tired of it.

Where was I last night and why did I come home so late?

I’m such a pig.I know I cheated on me.I'll sleep with anyone who lets me. Do I realize what a slut I am?

I don’t respect myself.

I don’t like myself.

I don’t want to be with me any more.

I know how much I like pets, why won’t I let myself have one?

Do I realize how much I swear?

Am I listening to myself?

Where am I going?

I thought I was my soulmate.

I never call myself or send emails.I never consider anyone but myself.How am I supposed to spend the rest of my life with me?ps - IT'S A JOKE, not some horrid solipsist confessional navel gazing.