Late night rambling.

No google.. no facebook..no youtube. The three websites I go on most often. really? What's the internet outside of that? =.= well I shall stop complaining.

Anyway. I've been in Beijing China lately for family matters, and I've actually been practicing more, writing down some song ideas, and trying my best to maintain a healthy lifestyle and get ready for my very first 10k run. Productivity is good, but I've actually been pretty down lately. Perhaps I need productivity to fill the void. Perhaps that's true. Sometimes I do forget, and sometimes I do frown when I don't need to, I just really need to keep reminding myself that despite all the hardships, I have amazing friends and family that love and support me, that understand me and will hold me through my ups and downs. I know sometimes life happens, and things can get rough, and loved ones may not stick around for whatever reason. I'm not praying for any miracles, I am just praying for personal strength. Personal strength to pull through, to learn how to balance between my family and my career, to learn the biggest lessons of my life through this critical time. I don't usually like to go too serious on other kinds of micro-blogging social media platforms; I feel that if I get serious I tend to go on and on. Perhaps this is a good place then. Because I do wish to share. I do wish to say that hey, everyone, I'm strong and I'm okay, and I have moments when I'm happy and cheerful, and I also have moments when I'm not.  I don't believe in hiding myself and my emotions; I'm not good at that anyway. So yes, I've been struggling recently, but I'm glad you're here to listen-or, well, read.

You know what makes me happy though? Making music does. Performing does. So that's why I'm doing what I'm doing, because when I make music and perform, I can believe that at least I made someone's day better. and that, in return, would make my day a little better.

I remember at one of my shows at Fullcup music cafe, it was my turn to sing an original, and I was going to sing "when the sky falls", but i sang something else. It's a song I wrote for my mother on her birthday back in May, but I decided to sing it because it was the day she went into the hospital, and I couldn't be there for her because of the show. I wished for her to get better. It was a room closely packed with people that came to see RobynnandKendy. Everyone listened so quietly and looked at me as though they understood and felt what I was going through, and for that I'm already so thankful. I didn't even feel the need to cry. I was just thankful, and I felt so blessed, that I could share myself so fully, and people welcomed me with open arms. I think sometimes as a performer, you have moments when you're "giving", but it's always nice to have moments when you're just "receiving" every once in a while. Receiving the love, the appreciation, and the respect for what you do. I think music is as simple as that. It's a way strangers can connect and become friends. and that's why I believe in music.

Sorry this is one of those late night ramblings that I tend to do every once in a while. This one I chose to share with everyone, just because well, I don't know, it's important right now for me to feel that I'm not alone. I still got my family, i still got my friends, i still got my supporters, i still got my music. it's just the biggest balancing act i've ever had to do. but I'll be okay in the end. I know it. And mom will be okay in the end too.

mama wo ai ni. ni yao jia you.