CLASH OF THE TITANS - The Remake

Meet Perseus. He's one pissed off dude. His foster family has just been killed by Hades, innocent bystanders in a battle between the underworld god and a bunch of sacrilegious humans. That makes Perseus mad. "Kill Hades!" he thinks. Nevermind that he's immortal, and already lives in the underworld. It gives Perseus a sense of PURPOSE, and gods damn it, nothing's gonna stop him from kicking some Olympian butt.

Luckily, he's got some allies to help him out on his quest: a band of battle-weary soldiers, ordered by the doomed Andromeda to accompany him, a pair of mercenary brothers, resourceful in tracking and hunting skills, a tribe of Middle Easterners borrowed from the second Lord of the Rings movie, and a muse in the form of Io, who, contrary to popular mythology, is not a mad cow but a Liv Tyler-esque hottie with some nifty talents of her own.

The new Clash of the Titans is not as good as the original, but it's not bad either. Just different. Very different.

First of all, while the original took its time introducing the characters and setting up the story, the new one dives right into the meat of the plot. 15 minutes in, and Perseus is already off on his mission to find the Stygian witches who'll tell him how to defeat the Kraken.

Killing the Kraken will get him closer to Hades so he can kick his ass. Apparently, the screenwriters thought the original motivation of love (Perseus trying to save Andromeda from being sacrificed to the sea monster) was too wussy, so they have him taking the Renegade path of hate/revenge against Hades instead: "You killed my family! Prepare to die!"

Another big difference is the relationship between the gods and humans. In the original, the immortals had this mini-amphitheater stage where they could manipulate the humans around like pawns on a chessboard. This is entirely missing in the new version. Instead, the humans have begun rebelling against the gods, challenging their rule, defiling their statues, and behaving like spoiled ungrateful children. This doesn't bode well with Zeus, so he sends his brother Hades off to wreak havoc on them and teach them who's in charge. And unfortunately, poor fishermen like Perseus' adoptive family get caught up in the fighting and end up as collateral damage.

Seeing what happens when gods meddle into the affairs of humans, Perseus wants nothing to do with them. He rejects any kind of divine gift or assistance that comes his way; instead, he's going to do everything on his own, "as a man." Yet everyone around him can tell he's SPECIAL somehow, and not just because he's the only one in the entire movie with a crew cut.

As it turns out, Perseus is the son of Zeus himself, which gives him enhanced powers (e.g. Ability to Achieve Master Soldier Level after Two Lessons, Charisma +10, and Unlimited Bad-Assedness). There are other, more subtle indications of his demigod status, including a nice sequence in which his heart beats in rhythm to the pounding of thunder during a storm, linking him to his father in the sky.

Ultimately, Perseus has to come to terms with his identity and his rejection of all things godly. This comes in the form of a confrontation with Zeus, which goes something along the lines of "Look Dad, I know you're trying to buy me off with these impressive gifts and a nice set of wheels (i.e. a flying horse), but when did you ever spend any QUALITY time with me?!" Ahh, teenagers.

I actually ended up liking the remake more than I thought I would (then again, I had very low expectations). I did wish it took more time exploring the side characters, as they seemed pretty interesting and could benefit from having their backgrounds developed more. And I wanted more interaction between Zeus and the other gods. Besides Hades, the other immortals barely had any face time at all. They just stood around on their pedestals, not really doing much, appearing when Zeus summoned them, disappearing when he dismissed them.

Speaking of Hades, my other big problem with the movie was that they depict him as some sort of equivalent to Satan. Hades wasn't evil; in fact, he was a pretty fair and balanced ruler, and didn't meddle around with the humans the way that Zeus and the other gods did. Simplifying Greek mythology to fit into the Christian duality thing (God vs. Satan/Zeus vs. Hades) destroys so much of its appeal and is truly a disservice.

On the other hand, one thing the new movie improved upon was to go more in depth into Medusa's character, giving her a bit more personality instead of having her just be the evil monster. I liked how they emphasized that her curse was used against men only, that she's meant as a punishment for men and their horniness, a key aspect of her myth that often gets omitted. In this light, she's depicted as both beautiful and terrifying, desire and death merged into a single figure, and by conveying this the movie manages to rise above being just another so-so remake.