In Context

I have a vision board back home in the states. Aside from “normal” goals like places I want to travel to in my lifetime or artistic endeavors I want to accomplish, I also wrote down things I want to change about myself. One such thing is for me to see myself in the larger context of the world. I have spent much of my energy just on me the past few years. And you know? Honestly? Being self-absorbed isn’t always as bad as you think. It allows you to reflect, to self-analyze, to heal whatever wounds you may have, or appreciate the battle scars you have accumulated along the way. I believe me-time to be a good thing, especially when recovering from small or big emotional trauma.

But then comes a moment, when all this alone time, when solitude and inner silence plateaus. Me-time becomes a self pitying sob fest, and the comfort of it almost forces you to want to stay in this rut. I felt myself nearing that spot, so instead of anchoring myself there, I decided to stop looking only at my immediate surroundings, and to step outside my comfort zone. The result of that decision was Kenya.

Here is a passage by writer Malcom Gladwell from his book “Blink” that I’ve been pondering:

“Our first impressions are generated by our experiences and our environment, which means that we can change our first impressions – we can alter the way we thin slice – by changing the experiences that comprise those impressions. If you are a white person who would like to treat black people as equals in every way – who would like to have a set of associations with blacks that are as positive as those that you have with whites – it requires more than a simple commitment to equality. It requires that you change your life so that you are exposed to minorities on a regular basis and become comfortable with them and familiar with the best of their culture, so that when you meet, hire, date, or talk with a member of a minority, you aren’t betrayed by your hesitation or discomfort”

I’m not sure that one has to make it a point to hang out with a particular group on a daily basis, but i can feel my own perceptions changing. And I like it. I’ve been spending much of my time mulling things that don’t involve my own personal battles, but that of others. And they are battles that have nothing to do with race, and everything to do with just being human. My heart aches in different ways, but my mind doesn’t allow the demons of my past to cloud these thoughts. What’s mine is mine. What’s the world’s is the world’s. I like finally having learned that distinction. Everything needs to be seen in its context.

So here I am. Nadine in the context of Kibera slums, Nairobi/Kenya. Through artsy fartsy filters to keep me entertained until I get to edit my documentary pictures.

[Nadine with Faith and Stacy. I visited them today again. We are becoming rather good friends. Faith (the HIV positive little one year old) is still feeling very week from her ARV meds. Her Kibera doctor is working on getting her seen by a specialist next week. I'll be taking them, if all goes well, to help watch the kids.

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My friend Carol spearheads one of the programs that I have really come to love. It provides assistance in with food, school tuition, medical bills and vocational training. Another woman was supposed to join the program yesterday, but before she could come on… before we could even go visit her for the first time, she passed away. She had a combination of HIV, TB and diabetes. That really put a damper on the whole evening last night, so today we went and immediately saw another potential candidate for the program: 19 year old beautiful Quinta, also HIV positive and weak from her meds, but incredibly beautiful, spirited and ambitious. She made me promise to come back on Monday, when Carol goes to see her mother. Excited to get to know Quinta. Such a sweet girl. Her smile and her demeanor are so delightful, I could stare at her all day.

You see, the whole experience might be very sad, if you didn’t know the whole context. Today was one of those really awesome days, even though it quietly brought tears to my eyes.