Thursday, February 14, 2008

What White People Like

This blog is hilarious. I wish it existed back when I was trying so hard to fit in with White folks. I guess it still has some practical useful knowledge that can be applied to my life now.

Here is an excerpt from the blog. At #58 (not sure if this is actual a ranking), What White People Like : Japan:

  Though there is full white consensus on a number of white things, there is perhaps nothing that draws more universal white acclaim than the island nation of Japan.  It should be noted, that some white people harbor SOME ill will toward Japan because of whaling, killing dolphins or Nanking.  But those are generally considered isolated incidents that do not indict the entire nation.

White people love Japan for a number of reasons.  Sushi is pretty much the biggest one, since white people have spent so much time Sushi restaurants, enjoying the food, learning about how to eat it, and how to be snobby about it.  This natural curiousity fills them with a need to pay a visit to Tsukiji and taste the freshest Sushi possible.

But it goes beyond just food, all white people either have/will/or wished they had taught English in Japan.  It is a dream for them to go over seas and actually live in Japan.  This helps them not only because it fills their need to travel, it will enable them to gain important leverage over other white people at Sushi restaurants where they can say “this place is pretty good, but living in Japan really spoiled me.  I’ve had such a hard time finding a really authentic place.”  

White people also love Japan because of it’s tradition, futuristic cities, films, kawaii stuff, music, and writers.  Many white nerds are into anime, so being too into this can be seen as a negative by white people.  It’s best to have a passing familiarity for things like Hayao Miyazakiwho is universally accepted by white people, or if they don’t know who is he, they will look him up and they won’t find weird violent or sexual cartoons.

If you find yourself in an awkward silence with white people, just mention how you want to go to Japan.  They will immediately begin talking about how their trip to Japan, or their favorite stuff from Japan, but it will be entirely about them.  This is useful as you no longer have to talk, and they will like you for letting them talk about themselves.

But like with anime, you have to be careful about how much you like Japan.  If you know how to speak Japanese, you kind of ruin it for everyone else.