Double Unhappiness

This is an open letter to my Asian brothers that have misguided ideas about relationships:

Recently I've been reading some of the message boards on Facebook groups like Asian Americans Not Brain Washed By The Media and Asian Media Watch. Something that really annoys me is the double standard some of the male members seem to hold in terms of interracial dating. This seems to be a growing idea:

Asian Female + White Male = Evil, Racist, Exoticization of Asian Women

But then on the flipside, these men seem to revere the reverse paradigm:

Asian Male + White Female = Positive, Progressive, Empowering of Asian Men

I find this to be incredibly hypocritical and offensive.

First off, I try not to judge people's choices in the matters of love. It's hard enough to find someone you really connect with -- if that person happens to be of another race, then so be it. (FYI I find Korean flavored women to be my preferred choice if anyone was curious).

But this kind of double standard that certain Asian men uphold as virtuous is actually antithetical to what I believe to be the cause behind Asian American community groups. I find it alienating to Asian women (Don't you realize that that's where half our power comes from?). To set up this idea as a basis for progress is truly detrimental. It plays into the exact power dynamic these groups say we are trying to fight. In both cases, we are upholding White as better than Asian.

If you are an Asian male and you feel that bagging a white woman is the pinnacle of Asian male success, then you have to accept that the reverse is valid for Asian women. You have no right to criticize Asian women for saying ridiculous things like "I don't find Asian men attractive" or "Dating an Asian guy would be like dating my brother/father (who I feel have persecuted and judged me)" or "I would love to date an Asian guy, but Asian guys don't find me attractive." By supporting the Asian Male/White Female coupling to be the highest achievement in dating, then you are also validifying all three of the Asian female arguments for NOT dating you!

For me, I find both versions (AF+WH. AM+WF) problematic in much broader general terms. Yes, Asian women are over-exoticized by the media and there is a suspect amount of Asian female/White male couples out there. Yes, Asian men are treated like eunichs in American society. But the answer is not to turn on Asian women and at the same time say, "By the way, I want to date White women because it empowers me." This is how the dominant culture wins. They divide and conquer us.

The most threatening thing to the power paradigm set up by mass media is to create a new one where:

Asian Female + Asian Male = Good

This is the most threatening because the equation does not include any outside elements. Once White doesn't even factor in then we can truly make some progress within the Asian American community.

As far as a true solution goes, I have always believed that if you want to get Asian women to date Asian men, two things have to happen: First, Asian men have to appreciate the beauty of Asian women. Second, Asian men have to try to be the most attractive person they can be.

Think about it.