Fandom (4)--An Idiosyncratic view from the inside

YouTube in the Night After seeing Leslie's performance in , I wanted to know more about this amazing actor, so, I googled him.  What I discovered broke my heart.  In the fall of 2007, I learned that Leslie had committed suicide April 1, 2003 at the age of 46, leaping to his death off the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Hong Kong.   Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLnlw2XvYP0&feature=relatedWhen I read those words, the tears started flowing and they wouldn't stop.  It seemed inconceivable to me that such an exquisite creature would die by his own hand.  How could someone who was such an amazing talent and who had achieved fame and fortune and no small amount of professional accolades end it all in such a fashion?  When I read what the fans were saying, their bewilderment and sometimes even anger was everywhere apparent.  Even after more than 4 years, many fans were still living in a state of stunned disbelief.  It seemed that tears were still flowing and grieving continued unabated in some quarters.  This, in and of itself, told me a lot about who Leslie's fans were.  To be Leslie's fan seems to inspire a truly whole-hearted devotion.  I learned that Leslie was called "big brother" ( in Cantonese) by legions of fans and he was truly regarded as a brother by many. I also learned that Leslie had been a very popular Cantopop superstar.  I have found over the years that many fans identify more with Leslie the singer than with Leslie the actor.  He had more presence, more impact and more importance for many as a singer.  His shows at the Hong Kong Coliseum, that later toured not only Asia, but even as far afield as England, Canada and the US, were legendary.  His recordings, some 25 years old, are woven into the memories of an entire generation of people from Hong Kong and Southeast Asia.  He appeared to be the equivalent of Michael Jackson and Madonna rolled into one impossibly beautiful performer. Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-C_3LqTNVgI&feature=relatedFor reasons best known to Leslie, himself, in 1990 he walked away from it all, retiring from music and moving to Vancouver, Canada.  To this day, I have a difficult time fathoming what was going through his mind when he decided to retire and leave Hong Kong.  It may have had something to do with the pressures of the entertainment industry (which I gather in Hong Kong can be tremendous).  Certainly Tianamen Square and the crackdown in China afterwards led many people to leave Hong Kong and remake their lives in exile.  But in my investigations I was already finding hints of yet another, and perhaps more persuasive reason that Leslie retired and left Hong Kong.  I was not entirely surprised to discover that Leslie was involved in a relationship with another man beginning early in his career.  I learned that Hong Kong still had not decriminalized homosexuality by 1990 (in other words, Leslie could have faced jail time if someone had decided to pursue prosecution).  The situation in China was also not very encouraging, with homosexuals persecuted by the state and sent to mental institutions for "re-education" and a "cure".  Whatever his reasons, unless his partner or one of his family members is forthcoming with details, we are left to speculate without any way to confirm the  suspicion that Leslie's private life may have been a determining factor in leaving Hong Kong at the height of his popularity.Reading what a big pop star Leslie was, I knew that it was time for me to discover that aspect of him.  I had never watched a video on YouTube before, but now I was avidly searching YouTube for Leslie's music videos and concert video performances.  In 2007 YouTube was still mostly ignored by the media industry.  There were plenty of videos of Leslie that have since been yanked by YouTube (despite the work of fans to repost them).  I am not sure exactly how this happened, but the very first video I watched was the first part of the Passion Tour.  Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJNbr5dSFts&feature=mfu_in_order&list=ULThe image that Leslie projected in that show, from the costumes to the lighting, from the song selection to Leslie's very impassioned performance, was the perfect introduction to Leslie as a performer at the absolute apogee of his career.  I didn't realize it at the time, but his costumes by Jean Paul Gaultier were famous (and infamous) in Hong Kong.  This exquisite show was highly controversial and a lot of opinion was splashed around the press at the time condemning the show (and, by extension, its producer and designer--which was Leslie).I spent night after night, transfixed, peering at my computer screen, watching the entire show, and then watching it again.  I also discovered the music videos that Leslie made in the 90s that truly are among the best music videos made anywhere.  I was mesmerized by the music, the enigmatic stories and the artistic filming of videos like Red, Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8cXWCOfrjg&mode=related&search=Love By Stealth and Bewildered.Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6Y4QOwZu9s I enjoyed the sardonic wit of Too Beautiful For You, the humor of Grieving Man, Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdL6j0bUZxMand the charming story of Little Star, a veritable synopsis of that unsung film,  Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkfklLu2YJkIn these videos, Leslie displayed all of his extraordinary acting skill.  Each music video was like a brief film, made with the very highest production values.  Every time I watch one of them again, I discover some new aspect.  Perhaps not surprisingly the first of Leslie's albums that I purchased from Yesasia.com was , which was Leslie's comeback album released in late 1995.  This album represented a departure from the very commercially aware music that Leslie made in his music idol days in the 1980s.  The range of styles was broader and some of the music required more of the listener than the easy-on-the-ears pop numbers from the 80s.  At least initially the music from the 80s, the music that established Leslie as one of the very top Cantopop performers of all time, appealed to me less than the more modern-sounding work from the 1990s and 2000s.  The music videos from the 80s also reflected their time.  This was the beginning of the music video as a marketing tool and sometime art form.  Most of them were made on the cheap and often had a rather bargain-basement look and feel to them.  Despite his status as a star, many of Leslie's abundant catalog of music videos from the 1980s suffer from low production values and a dearth of imagination.  In fact, I would rank one of them as a strong candidate for perhaps the worst music video of all time.  (I realize that some fans love this particular music video because of the song, but in my opinion I feel there is absolutely no excuse for such a shoddy video that displays the most crass approach treatment of Leslie and his star charisma.)(to be continued)