心中的OS

突然想用国语来写。

昨天去了教堂感觉好得很。我觉得很喜悦因为我拥有好多直得我珍惜的好朋友和贵人。不管我怎样表答也无法足够地呈现我心中的感激。常有人给我取外号为：傻大姐或乖乖牌？？？？？我有啼笑皆非的感觉！可能是因为我常会陶醉在自己音乐，艺术的世界里，都忘了去party???哈哈有的人说我好像躲去哪了，可是我行动好不方便因为脚还在受伤啊！！！没躲！！

谢谢K导演给我的鼓励。那番话是我一辈子最会珍惜的。我真的没想到像我那么单纯的热爱表演也能感动到你，谢谢。我是那种比较胆小的人，所以只有在表演当中能足以让我发挥我内心的生命力。只有在表演能让我做我自己，并且拥有我的舞台。我答应你，我会天天象现在一样快乐，我会努力。努力，更努力！

：）

慧。

Just wanted to write in mandarin today.

Last night I went to church and it felt awesome. I just feel so undeserving of the blessings in my life sometimes. I have really really good friends and benefactors popping around me and no matter how much sincerity I want to exude and express I will never adequately express my genuine gratitude to all these people from my heart. U know it's so ironic--some friends gave me ridiculous nicknames like,"Silly Big Sister" and "miss goody 2 shoes" ???????Why on earth? My reaction is completely mixed. I am not sure if I feel lauded or erm,disgraced! Perhaps this is because I'm always lost in my own world,of music or art,I have forgotten to party already!!! Some friends asked me where I've gone to hide myself, but but hey,my legs aren't well,I ain't hiding,just recovering!

Thank u director K for the support.Those words and advice u gave me were the best words anyone has ever given me in my life, Iam going to cherish them forever. I can't believe it, me,my tiny simple desire to just perform and my love to act managed to touch u. Thank u so much!!! I'm a timid girl and only through performing am I an emblem of my own artistic expressions. I am able to release that vibrant energy in me and it becomes bigger and bigger allowing me to encapsulate the beauty of life,or everything I breathe that makes me understand who I am. I promise u,I shall always work hard. Everyday I will be as jubilant,as ecstatic about life as I am now. I shall persevere,persevere,and persevere somemore!

:)

lyd

Ps: the reason y i didn't write in english first was also becos i felt a sudden need to express myself in mandarin. most people think i'm very non-chinese but it's actually not true.my dad cannot speak mandarin,yes but my mum is not very fluent in english either. to handle this situation i had to be billingual. my reason for writing songs in both languages and effectively return to my asian roots after being in US and not staying on despite my mentor/benefactor feeling i should work with them there;it's becos i am proud of my heritage and my chinese-ness. don't get me wrong.im super literate in english,much more comfortable if u really ask me.my dreams are in in english,erm,i said this becos someone from taiwan asked me that hahaha. however the idea of "identity",of exploring "diaspora" and intrinsically a very deepseated desire to expand and return back to the community as a member and body of my roots is something i guess rather important to me.actually this has to do with education in my days of college.it has made me question the questions others have asked,about "placement" about cultural displacement and identity search. if u come from Singapore,u'd know how cosmopolitan a place like that is. sometimes one can really be at a loss determining where and who they are. this is something even our government has expressed concern over.