Today's eccentric blog

My ambition ultimate goal is to be able to set up a school for the underpriviledged little children,especially those sold in slavery to prostitution rings and brothels. In this utopian and idealistic school,every child has a heartful breakfast,lunch,tea and dinner. They are cared for in an unbiased system where only the best teachers will take care of them. The best teachers will be here because they will not be acadaemically judged as the best but people with twin visions of growth and compassion.

Can I do these things by simply being a volunteer?

No. I've been a volunteer,I know how a bureacracy works. In a large organization,things and approval become difficult when too much paperwork and too many proposals are in the process. I need unsightly amounts of money to fuel this.Can donations work?In a situation where most people think they are such noble philantrophic people,only a small percentage of money can actually go into charity organizations. The rest go to the different mediums. In a utopian world Lydia would like to personally fulfill all these things with her own eyes. So she uses her own money. To do this,in my youth,which is now,I need to work not just very hard but insanely. I also need to convince myself and others that I'm worth their belief. In my perfect world,when I attain the recognition able to do this,I will not fear being at the mercy of bloodsucking moguhls or evil advertising.

Am I trying to gain fame for myself but use this as a sneaky way of winning people?

Well,I must say that I adore attention just like u,him,her,or anyone else. But when I was abused hatred made me detest and fear the world. In order for me to survive I faced everything with trepidation and a false wall of defense. Hence as a human being when I finally let my guard down,I got brutally stabbed. Have you seen enough movies? How would you be if one day your best friend tried to harm your life? I think being betrayed and sold out was the best thing that happened to me because I grew up 80 years older. Now I know after being dejected and living in fear,in sleeplessness the last few years,because I'm so afraid of her,that the only thing that lives in my mind is to fulfil my goals. Instead of hatred where it began,now Im focused on the positive aspects of life and that is returning to the community,that is to work hard in making another person's life better. Because I would not want to sit in a dinghy room dismayed and fill myself with drugs,dope to make myself in a denial since life was unfair. No one said it was meant to be fair. So,how about helping some other person,young person who faced the potential of not going thru the same bloodstains? In my little school,there will not be that many kids at first because I will select a few to really bring them up. Also,it is easier to watch over them that way and truly HELP not just aid. It's not a prison,just a school. I met my mentor who brought the light out of me,it is never easy to discover what you have. To meet people who believe in you and positively impart that spirit to you,you will be blessing others in your life eventually.

Why am I always talking about feminism,abuse,betrayal,death,insomnia,fear?

Am I?Damn it. Sorry. Actually I'm not all that,if you read my blogs carefully,I'm a crazy foo. I can really get on your nerves if I'm too cheesy and corny all at once. Also,I pretend to be intellectual and artistic so I write poetry. I play the piano too. Get it?I'm not just an angry woman!!!! I'm nice! very idiotic expression And er,I try to post up cute pictures!!!!! Give me credit,I do pimp myself instead of screaming vented frustrations hee hee hee.

Why am I so scarily honest that I divulge personal details out in the public,and touching sensitive topics like abuse?

Because I'm tired of the pretentiousness in the world. Once and for all,I'm my own boss, I like being my own censor. If I felt I wanted to share a detail it's because I think you're worth the time. I can get your attention by showing you flesh. Should I? Do I need to? Ah,figure. And I'm a person governed by artistic expressions,if I write I engage. I engage I involve you,the reader. Same with music.

Do I think I am very hot,that's why I put up so many pictures with demure poses?

Well,I'm not going to put up ugly pictures and when Im 85,my granddaugther says in an obviously diplomatic tone that she likes looking at my forehead best. Im trying to defend vanity here hee hee hee and as a modern,independent,empowered thinking woman,I'm trying to show you why I think I rock because I happen to like looking better and taking care of myself better.

Am I an idiot?

Yes. And a platypus. You love me duncha?hahahahaahah. Ok,this question is for fun.

Why is this stage of my life interesting?

Oh. It is trust me. This stage is where I am in a transition zone where alot of things are not visible but in the process. It is the stage where I am watching and observing and learning and there's so much now I'm absorbing. This stage of my life is a searching prowl,of discovery and manuevring and having found traces of myself,I will be piecing them together soon.

What is your position in my life?

Well. If you're Paddy Chow, or Anton Wong, then you're people I like talking crazy stuff to without fearing my life in danger after a few tongue in cheek statements. Erm,I take that back about Anton,I think he looks dangerous. If you're Pedro,I think you're the coolest nut because hell,P is like the doppelganger version of me. If you're Wendy,I'll be very nice to you. Same with Ivy,cos I like pretty girls with good characters. Am I wrong to? If you are Dax,rottendoubt and etchy,u're in this mysterious category I won't tell. Hee, now notice those mentioned are artistes,what about the non artistes? If u're butter,starkiss,QQ,raina,DJ,Tom,charlyn,or elle,diana,jaine, and the regular hommies, I'd love you more because of your kind encouraging support. The other artistes, I'd love them 100 percent,for you guys,120!!!! And how about my own pals,like Lawrence Wong and Alvin Goh,Geri,Eldred,jacky,if u're reading this,u already know me so well,I guess I don't need to explain yeah?:) If you're Jason,and Danny,you're the best father-son team ever:),din,shann,narom,evelyn i'll always be extra nice to u guys,cos u guys are just great great great people. And the music genius Jae Chong!

Big Kiss.

PS: If you are Terry Chen and sylvia chang, you are in category X because this category is for gods. AHAHAHAHAHAHAH. what have I done?:)