Prayer

I prayed.

And smiled

Ask for answers and God gives you one. It's sometimes really great to be low,languid and downtrodden. That way you realize there is simply no inclination to want to be positive, you will realize then when you ask for answers and help from God, it becomes real. The doubt that it is but a figment of your own imaginary wish for hope becomes less when you hit ground zero.

And so, sometimes I thank God for showing me what is real and what is not. Grief, disappointment, anger and shocks are always going to sneak into our lives on earth. So will the other flip side such as happiness, surprise, ecstacy. I have a problem I realize now, that you cannot cling on to happiness, in the same way you cannot cling on to sadness. Happiness is like a theif, he sneaks up on you when you least know it. But once you worry about losing your happiness, then, it has left you. I realized that what I looked for then, was not this emotional well being or state. I realized it was peace and bliss. This is a different stage of happiness, because then you do not worry anymore if your family will be well and safe. Or if your husband/ wife will ever love you less, or if your career will face a slump.

I realized this before but like a young, impressionable human that I am, I also literally forgot.

Disaapointment, sadness or anger as well as happiness, ambition and adoration are almost opposites yet similar.

Clinging on to happiness and fear losing it has the similar effects of clinging on to anger and sadness.

Peace however is happiness at her quietest. When you have found peace, then you no longer worry about your family even. It does not mean indifference. It just means there is nothing so great you must "need" and nothing so great you must not lose.

And then suddenly it is clear. Fear has nothing to do with me.