A poem and a story.

Yellow Rose.

I sat down one day and wrote a Dear John

Signed it,stamped and mailed it to me

I wrote abt the first hi,the second why

And then goodbye

I thought of how I'd leave me

And then I left u.

And from this moment I knew

My smiles were bigger

My laughs were brighter

Whenever I saw u.

If I looked stronger

If I grinned wider

It was for your point of view

should have known, yeah should have guessed

U were the doll I stared from afar

Tried as I did, jumped i did try

But never touched u.

Time came time went and I was that doll

Tried as I did jumped i did try

But never budged.

And so I knew,somehow U did too

That u would always be that sun

That shone mightily and scorched slightly

In a world of whats and ifs,

As and whens

I thought of how I would leave me

And so I left you.

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I wrote this poem a while back,and on reading it again felt the nostalgia coming back. I used to think talking about history like that was cringe worthy,but for some reason, today while I was at lunch and the music was playing, I suddenly had a flashback. And more flashbacks.

Some people have great memories of their first loves. I guess I consider mine,the first time u actually fell in love. I suppose that experience by itself was so intriguing that I never quite felt the same anymore afterwards to retrieve it with anyone else. That by itself self characterizes the nature of my first love I guess.

It's puzzling how the human psyche works really. I used to fall into this self fulfilling prophecy that things might not work out somehow, even though it was going really well. The other party was a fantastic person and to many people,up till now,still find it beguilng how we could have just split up. Why,they asked me,why?

To be honest, I didn't know why too back then but now I do and I know that deep down back then I must have guessed too that I needed to grow,to mature on my own. But if I had the chance,I would like to say I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I really did damage. It's something I hope to say it properly to the other party again one day,if we ever cross paths.I'm sorry I just vanished.