Reflections of a Dreamer

After my trip to Australia, I came back expecting to be refreshed & ready to start work again. Instead, I found myself being very frustrated with the state of my life & career. Too many times I’ve been through this cycle of wanting to give up & being discouraged, disappointed & depressed.

I’m known as Little Miss Contradictory. Appearing to be very calm & steady on the outside, I am a very hyperactive & emotional being on the inside. Mature & intelligent, yet giving up on the sensible path & taking the path of dreams & fantasies, the road less trodden. My degree studies & my real passion are different. Some say I’m unpredictable & they never know what step I’ll take next, what decision I’ll make. Truth is, sometimes I don’t understand myself.

Along the way, I lost track of my goals in life. I wake up every morning with my dream in my mind, but the concrete goals are missing. So I prayed. God, give me the destiny You have for me. Not my own dreams & fantasies, but the life You have for me. Please. Show me the way You have laid out for me. Show me my purpose in life.

I am a born dreamer. My dreams colour my life. And I know I’ll never give up dreaming.

So I’ll press on. Unless God shows me otherwise, I’ll continue pressing on in this direction. Full speed ahead. No looking back. All the way. I’m going to live my life afresh, come 2009. I am going to be a DREAMER & a DOER. I’ll do what it takes to achieve my dream.

**International feature films - Lead & Supporting Roles

Break into Taiwan & Japan markets**

People in this industry have different goals. One person I spoke to recently said she wanted to be a drama educator. Others treat acting as a part-time job. Some do it for the passion. As do I. But this is my full-time career, for life. No turning back. Unless God intervenes.

I’ve decided to truly stand on my own two feet. This means going back to teaching tuition. I need to be able to support myself, while pursuing this career choice. 

*If anyone has any part-time or freelance work, please do look for me.*

I was inspired this weekend, while working with another person from the industry. I’m already an adult, it’s time to take care of myself. And at the same time, I need to earn money so I can bless other people, so I can give to the building fund, so I can repay my parents. I’m old enough. Time to step out on my own. And in this way, my parents will also be able to trust that I can support myself while pursuing this career.

I hope to make enough money to move to Taiwan in the near future.

That said, I’ve had several discussions with fellow actors recently about acting projects & the income they generate. Only a select few can get millions of dollars per project. For most local actors, we earn a miserly income for the amount of hours we invest in our work. 

That is why, “to be an actor, you must be insane.”

These days, I try to choose my projects. There are many student projects out there that do not pay, and honestly speaking, I feel that sometimes they take advantage of actors’ predicaments. As one actor put it, “So you are doing your degree/diploma. What does it have to do with me?” Actors do their jobs for the passion, but we also need to earn a living. It is a cruel fact of life.

I just finished  a play today. It offered no pay, but I did it to gain experience, since I haven’t performed in a play for more than a year. It was fun, but a one-off thing. I don’t mean to be money-minded, but this is after all, my career. Other professionals are paid for their time & efforts, so why not actors?

Sigh.

So I shall choose my projects carefully from here on. Now, if only I could find more work. I’ve hit a dry spell & I’m desperately searching for more acting projects. Haiz.

Anyone got any lobang?

Long wordy entry. Christmas is coming!
Have upcoming gatherings etc. Yay!

Have a Merry Christmas!!!