an irrational plea

dear God,

i know i'm not supposed to ask for anything, that i must learn to accept my life, however it may be. forgive me. forgive me for asking something of You. it's my weakness i know. but please hear me out.. this one time..

please don't let this be the last time i see her. i don't know why but i'm getting that feeling again, when i'm about to lose someone.. like before my mom left..

and i am frightened.

pleasepleaseplease don't let it be now. i know i must learn to accept it sooner or later. but please give her more time. she hasn't had a chance yet to accept You or Your words into her heart.

she just needs more time.

let me suffer more. i can give up my dreams. i can give up happiness. take me away from everyone i love.. take my life.. anything. i am willing.

i know it's fate, that it's not bargainable.. but i don't know what to do.. and You're the only one that i can turn to..