I Am Now A Major League Baseball Player ...sort of

Like any grown man, I have many boyhood dreams that I keep secretly tucked away in the back of my head, hoping that someday I can fulfill them.  A few of my "secret dreams" are as follows... 1) drive a Porsche on the German Autobahn at +200 mph, 2) swim with a whale shark, 3) become the third Pet Shop Boys, 4) arm wrestle Natalie Portman, 5) etc, etc, etc.  Last night, I got to fulfill one of my boyhood dreams and turn it into a reality... I got to throw out the opening pitch at a Major League Baseball game!

The whole experience was rather surreal.  I got a call from my friend, Michael Gin (who owns Chop Suey Cafe in Little Tokyo).  He asked me if I would like to take part in Chinese American night at Dodger Stadium and if I would like to throw out the first pitch of the game.  My answer... "Hell Yeah, Dog!"  To be honest, throwing out the opening pitch at a major league ball game was never really on the top of my "boyhood fantasies that must be fulfilled" list.  However, like my mama used to say..."never look a gift horse in the mouth!"  So I borrowed a glove from my good buddy, neighbor, and fine optometrist, Dr. Geoff Yeo, put on my yellow jumpsuit from FINISHING THE GAME, and headed to Dodger Stadium!

Once I got to Dodger Stadium, I started to get a bit nervous.  Not because I was wearing a skin-tight, yellow jumpsuit that highlighted every nook and cranny on my body.  No...I was a bit uneasy because I realized I had to actually throw a baseball 62 feet into an area the size of chessboard in front of 60,000 people.  No pressure, right?  But all that anxiety went out the window when my cameraman, Josh, vomited into a bush right next to me as a result of a night of hard partying.  For some reason, seeing Josh heave his lunch all over the Dodger landscaping made me feel better.  Strange, huh?  Through vomit, I was able to steel my mental and spiritual resolve.

It's amazing how big a major league baseball park really is.  As a spectator, I have always watched a game from the outside looking in.  But as my first time ever on a major league field, I truly got a sense of what a Roman gladiator must have felt when he took to battle in the Collesium.  TONIGHT, I THROW THIS BALL FOR SPARTA! (not that Romans and Greeks have anything in common)  So after getting a few pitching pointers from Dodger manager and baseball legend, Manny Mota, and a brief stint discussing global politics with a few Miss Chinatowns, the announcer called my name.  It was time.  So to the mound I bounded, ready to fulfill one of my life squares.  As I topped the pitchers mound, I looked up on the Dodger Jumbotron only to see that I had a smile a mile long on my face.  I then wound up and let the ball fly.  It was good I was smiling so much, because my pitch missed the strike zone by about 2 feet.  Not pretty, but it did the job.