my 09 wrap up

2009. wow. what a year full of ups and downs. i can't explain exactly how it felt. i wasn't emotionally stable and prepared to take this year.  Where do i start...Yes. 2009 started with a drinking session with the guys from 85 and Eva. I don't usually drink at all so this is significant. It symbolizes what was about to happen in 09. Growing up, my relationship with Eva and releasing the 85 mixtape.Fresh off quitting school for the 2nd time in less than 4 months, I felt like i lost it. I felt like everything that was about to happen would defeat the purpose of what was planned and done earlier. The side effect of this is the establishment and development of my ignorant attitude. First big task of the year was to come to terms with life and figure out who i am. 2nd task was definitely to try and confess to Eva haha. Which was finally made easy by the technological wonders of the SMS function. Even with a phobia of going to school and an entire year to spend, my parents didn't want me to go to work. They enrolled me into some short course to ensure that my mind would be ready for the education system again. I can't be bothered, or in other words, i don't want to bother cos bothering and thinking too much won't help with anything. I just went with the flow. My mind was all on making music, the only thing that might help me express my thoughts. I made a lot of beats. I wanted to write a lot of songs on it. But no song seem to be able to say what i wanted to say. Plus i was pissed at the fact that i wrote english songs which most of the people in my new social circle could not fully relate to. I could say it was a gift in a way, cos most of these beats i made during this period made its way to KZ's album. Recording and producing for him made me remember what i loved most about hip hop. My first wish for 2010 is for his album to drop.Not taking the short course seriously and not having to work means i have a lot of free time. Built great relationships with the boys from 85up2 through this year as we worked on the mixtape. We worked on it from about Feb/March to June if i'm not wrong. Every weekend, we would meet up in MongKok for dinner and then take a cab to the studio and record. Then we would pick the jacked beats and beats by Dennis on the weekdays and wrote our parts. This process was awesome. It was mixed with some gigs, photo taking, laughter, frustration and also a documentary shot about us. After all the recording was done. The real work comes in. I remember nights at Kwokkin's studio doing the final mixes for the tape. We had to fork out money for the release party and all. Kodie hooked us up with the cover art by Core and also the venue at the Cattle Depot. The nights we met up discussing about the mixtape release was hectic. Once again, I felt like a loser cos this is the only thing i was doing and yet i can't handle it well. I can't even make proper phone calls to confirm decisions, i can't even manage proper timing for KZ's recordings which was still going on. Anyways, Everyone from 85up2 put in everything to make the whole thing happen. July 24th, the day of the mixtape release party, was the only day in 09 that i could be proud of. The rest of the 364 days were just nothing more than "ok". Then came the time of the year to get ready to enroll into a proper school and continue doing time in the education system. My dad is extra serious about this. Im very glad but im not a good kid who deserves this. I've seen through the flaws of education systems and im aware that i can't really conquer it. Anyways, my dad made me go to these different schools for interviews. I was lost. I was just on a leash and followed my dad to wherever he brought me to. In the end, I got into APA which was my 1st choice among all the schools. I liked film cos it is another good channel for expression and im glad that i can study film in here.To add up to the year long holiday i already had, 85up2 went to Malaysia for my final holiday before school starts. I actually anticipated this given the fact that last year's Malaysia trip was super fun and it gave birth to 85. But sadly, maybe the planets and stars were not aligned in the right way for me, I was rather disappointed with this year's trip. Sorry to everyone who worked hard to make the beach party happen. Sorry for those who provided us with the accommodation. Sorry to my Mom for giving me extra money for this trip.School starts. Wow. New life for me. When was the last time i woke up in the morning? I spent the earlier weeks of the school semester dozing off in class which was noted by the teachers. I worked on it. I felt lost yet again. Sometimes it feels like a show-off session where people needed to prove themselves to survive. Me being me, kept quiet and distant myself from everything in hopes to find peace. I felt like my life was gone. There was not enough time for me to be alone and reflect. I can't imagine, but i have to complete the entire course cos how many more 09s can i possibly have? No more time to waste!School deeply affected my year-long relationship with Eva. I had school everyday, she had work everyday. We see each other a lot lesser now but we're still doing great. Eva's perseverance is an inspiration to me. We both cherish the little time we have together. Even though we are both quiet and soft-spoken, we know how to connect.My health got bad this year. Being super skinny since day 1, i was obviously not the most immune to germs. With the irregular lifestyle throughout this year, i could see myself looking worse and worse everyday. My spirit is gone. I could see it through the mirror. I wish i could be healthier.What a year. 2010: better health, doing better in school. Love my family, love Eva. Music wise, drop Kz's album, work on the new 85up2 record, TAK's music, beat crew and so on.2010's goal: Be optimistic.Say goodbye to 2009 for me, i'll miss u!Peace