Green is the new G.O.D.-- Plastorexia and it's Discontents...

            Have you read the book “The World Without Us” by Alan Weisman?  Read it.  A giant thought experiment imagining what would happen to the world if humans just disappeared, each chapter takes a look at how nature might (or might not) re-emerge in a particular context when people are taken out of the picture.  BBC’s “Planet Earth” shows you the world as it is?  This book shows you the world as it was and as it might be.  

            Chapter 9: “Polymers are Forever.”  What happens to plastic, say water bottles or plastic bags, when it is left floating around and not properly disposed of or recycled?  It generally ends up in the ocean, where it slowly breaks down into smaller and smaller molecules, in the same process whereby waves turn rocks into beaches.  Then fish and other sea-creatures eat it.  And they mutate.  Or they die.  That plastic bag floating in the street will probably end up as tiny, tiny plastic molecules submerged at the bottom of the ocean, where they will change the natural balance of the seas and mutate fish and other sea-life.  Oh—and, being non-biodegradable, they will degrade but they will stay around forever.  Great.

            I’m not an ecomaniac but certain things scare me.  The idea that some non-conscious act of mine might lead to the death of the oceans scares me.  The idea that in our generation we will change the world more than the previous hundred generations scares me.  The idea that we have no idea how we are changing things—that we have no idea what effects of our actions will have—this scares me.  So, rather than contribute to the further development of mutant fishies everywhere, I decided to go on a plastic diet—to become “plastorexic,” perhaps.  Why not, right?

            Let me list some the things that I gave up—candy, most magazines and books, hotel toiletries, drinks at dive bars… Even after allowing myself the things that are plastic but that get used for an extended period of time, say a toothbrush or my contact lenses for example, the problem was that most things are either made of plastic, or are wrapped in plastic.  We may not all be Barbie dolls (yet), but we are definitely living in Barbie land.  Trying to be plastorexic was as hard on my life as anorexia probably would have been.  I literally faced a choice—live, or be plastic free.  I choose to live.

            Being green is probably the biggest lifestyle trend since being digital was introduced in the 1980’s or 1990’s.  (The alternative example of ubiquity—Starbuck’s and the rise of coffee, but that’s a completely different conversation…)  We have gotten to the point where most things are available in an eco-friendly option—think Natalie Portman’s Te Casan shoes, MOMA Beijing, or even the Tesla Roadster.  Green living is taught in schools and has its own television stations.  And can we even turn around without hearing or seeing a green slogan?  The Green movement has become so pervasive that people have started referring to it as our new civil religion.  Have we come this far?  Are we all back to worshipping Mother Nature?

            Most people think that green is the new god is because the eco-lifestyle has lots of followers who allow it to dictate how they live their lives.  And of course lots of people want to take part in it—the alternative is, in its most extreme form, death.  So I agree, it’s become somewhat of a religion—believe and be saved!—but not just because of the number of followers and the absoluteness of its creed. I think green is the new god because following its dictates requires somewhat of a leap of faith.  

            Look—if I am the only person who is turning off my lights and not using my air-conditioning, then nothing is going to change other than the fact that I’m just going to have lousy eye-sight and frizzy hair.  But, if I bring my own reusable bag to the store, then other people must be doing it too, right?  If there are so many of us doing it, it makes a difference, right??  Well I sure hope so, but in reality, there’s a lot of faith involved in this thought process.

            While adhering to the green calls to actions—reduce, reuse, recycle!—is one route by which certain people choose to go green, the alternative of choosing green products is another.  How fantastic—now, by buying green, we can have our cake and eat it too?!  I actually fell for this once—actually, I fall for it constantly.  And in truth, some of the brands and companies are doing great things.  But still, beware!!!  Apart from things like real technologies that, for example, turn off your lights when you leave the room or create energy out of AIR—well, what in the world is a green tennis racket?  And is it still green to buy it if you had a perfectly great tennis racket at home already which you are now going to landfill?  Welcome to the art of greenwashing: the art of marketing in the era of green.  

          Look—one day, hopefully in the not very distant future, we will live in an eco-friendly world.  Cars will run on hydrogen, water will be recycled, carbon will be sequestered—technology will save us.  But, if we want to make sure that we live to see that day, we’ve got to put in a little work. So let’s throw rationality out of the window and jump onto the magic school bus.  The green movement is the only thing to have a coolness factor that rises as steadily as Tom Ford’s and that’s by definition certain to have a life-span longer than Karl Lagerfeld.  Oh and if you don’t join in, you might be responsible for the end of the world.  So—who care’s how you do it and if it actually works?  At this point, in the words of Nike, just do it!  Or, in my words, just do SOMETHING.  We’ll worry about the details later.

• For Modern Weekly.