JURY DUTY!!! 7 million people in HK, I get picked!

Thing about a lottery system is that the more you want it to happen, the more the odds are stacked against you... Think about it, everytime you are at in a large crowd holding raffle tickets, you are hoping it's you that gets called, and when they call the name, it's always someone who has a hotdog in his hand, with his ticket in his pocket with his change, he doesn't know he's won and his friends are telling him he won and he doesn't want to walk up to the stage to claim the prize cos it's too emberressing and all the while in your mind you are thinking, why not me... This happened to me at Ekka when I was 12, a Brisbane reference for those of you who are in the know...

Just like the Mark 6 lottery... people who buys a ticket every week will tell you they have won 4th prize 9 times and 3rd prize 3 times, it's the guy who buys a ticket one time at a party to help add to the pot that wins the 1st prize...So I get a letter from the government today, and when you do get a letter from the government it's never good... Because there it's only one of two things they want from you... 1)  telling you to pay up, 2)  telling you do something about things leaking... like an air conditioner drain vent or something to do with the toilet, things that concern everyone else but me...I pray for things that I know I probably won't get easily, like a suitcase full of non sequential unmarked hundred dollar notes... A really hot girl who doesn't know she's hot who happens to like me for me... No one wishes they getjury duty notice...

The first line in the letter is this, "It appears you are a person - (a) qualified to serve as a juror and (b) can not be exempt from service as a juror under Section 5... They know they are being a huge hair in your ass crack here, by saying we know you don't want this, but it seems that you have none of the criterias that qualifies you to be exempt... sorry dude...

Section 5 is a two page document listing the possible excuses you can use if you don't want to be a jury member... examples are that 'You already are a judge or your spouse is a judge..." and "I am the pilot of a commercial airliner..." and "I am a member of the press who will probably leak shit to the media cos it's my duty to leak shit..."  Finally here is a good one... "If you are in an Islamic/Jewish/Muslim congregation..." So basically if you want to get out of jury duty, you need to be the wife of a judge who flies planes for a living who hates pork and is also very religious to the point where simple minded folks will profile you as a terrorist and be concerned that you may lack moral fibre and all the while have really loose lips and likes to gossip a lot...

What's worst is that the Jury picking system is supposed to be random, but it is never random... those with criminal records are taken out of the pool, those with disabilities are take out, those with extreme right or left wing political views are out, those who are in the public eye are out... so what the computer is saying by picking me is that I am none of those things, which means I am common folk...

I refuse to be labelled as a common folk... and before you say something, I already tried the "me no speak the cantonese" one... language is not an exemption criteria... To be looked at as common is like saying I have nothing to offer besides being peer presured into giving a verdict that sends a tax evading businessman to 3 months in jail and lets everyone home ealier...

Then I thought about it... What if I get to be one of 12 jurors who decides the fate of a child molester, teachers who have sex with their students, priests who touch little kids... don't I have a responsibility to serve my city by putting these people away... I would kindly give up a week of my life to do put away kiddly fiddlers... but what if I get picked to be a juror of one of those big time cases where some fortune teller scams billions from a lonely widow who happens to own a publicly traded company... then I'd be there for a year and a half on and off... and no one wants that... with cases like that you are pushing the principle of the matter... if the fortune teller has the mojo to satisfy a lonely widow then good for them, god knows how hard it is to find a mate in this day and age...Now look, as far as appearances go... I may appear on the outside to be an up standing member of society... but inside... inside... I am something else... and here is why I shouldn't be considered to be a jury member... I root for the bad guys in movies to get away with their crimes... I admire serial killers who don't get caught for decades and is still active with arrest warrants out on them from 10 different states... I am also on a very high protein diet, which keeps me very windy all day long... not to mention the lower back pain that I get when I sit for too long... which leads me to fidgit in my seat a lot... And what's more is that you don't want the fate of someone's life in the hands of someone like me, cos I'll tell ya, I don't much care about other people in general... I keep a copy of Albert Camus' "The Stranger" in my back pack to remind myself of that fact... I prefer that killers get away with murder and is released from prison and catches the swine flue and dies 3 weeks later... I am all for divine justice, but procedural justice in a court room? not so much... Let me know if you got ny ideas of possible excuses that might help me...