Die Hard 4Ever

It's Sunday and I'm spending the day at home. Star World is showing all four Die Hards in order. They even dubbed the day "Die Hard 4 Ever". Normally that'd be a pretty cheesy tagline, but this one works because the Die Hard franchise is the greatest action franchise in films history.

I mean.. I still remember watching Die Hard as a kid. It was... it was beautiful. It was the sweetest thing ever. Like the first time I heard the Beatles.

The original Die Hard is, undisputedly, the greatest action film of all time. Not only did the film break away from the stereotypical muscle bound hero formula (which ultimately led to the end of Ah-nold and Stallone) and led us to a new era of everyman-hero.

But yeah, let's take a look at all four films...

Die Hard 1The Premise: John McClane is in LA to visit his shallow wife (she insisted on using her own last name until her life is on the line... then suddenly she's Mrs. McClane, man get the hell outta here you golddigger) when a team of German terrorists take over the tower the wife works at. Trapped inside, it's up to McClane to fight off 12 terrorists and save the day. And he's not wearing shoes.

Why it works: Like I said earlier, Die Hard introduces us to the everyday hero. McClane is not a muscle bound stiff goon like Arnold was in the 80s. McClane cracks jokes, he cusses, he hates his parents in law, he's flawed. He's one of us.

Then there's the villain. Hans Gruber is probably one of the greatest villains of all time. He's smart, he's well-educated, and his deadpan sarcasm rivals that of Stephen Chow. When Ellis first encounters Gruber, Gruber is actually sarcastic and condescending to Ellis, yet Ellis's ass never knew because Gruber was so suave. His slight digs at people reminds me of Stephen Chow in God of Cookery.

(Off topic note: Our dining editor is a big fan of Alan Rickman, the actor who portrays Hans Gruber. The thing is she doesn't know him as Gruber. She likes him because he's in movies like Harry Potter and freaking some movie about perfume. Twice she fooled me by saying how Alan Rickman was bad ass only for me to agree enthusiastically and say "HELL YEAH HE HANS GRUBER!", only for her to say "no, he's great in Harry Potter"...)The entire action set piece is great. There's McClane, stuck in a building with 12 baddies. He takes them out one by one using the environment to his advantage. And he walks on glass. How bad ass is that?

Why it's bad ass: McClane walks on glass, son!

What doesn't work: Absolutely nothing. This film still stands up well today, which is something you can't say about alot 80s films...most of the time, alot of scenes that were considered cool in the 80s now suddenly seem gay in this day and age. Not Die Hard, Die Hard will be bad ass until the end of time.

Die Hard 2: Die Harder

The Premise: McClane is at the airport picking up his wife when terrorists (those clowns never learn…) hit in an attempt to free drug lord General Espinoza, who’s about to arrive from some third world ass country.

Why it works: Well Renny Harlin knew better than to try anything new. He basically took every concept from the original and used it here. McClane climb through vents? Check. McClane talking to himself about hating holidays and being stuck in a vent? It’s here. I must say, however, that the villain here pales in comparison to Hans Gruber. Fortunately, Williams Sadler would then redeem himself later on in Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, playing Death. Freaking Bill and Ted man, greatest “dumb duo” comedy ever. Blows stuff like Harold and Kumar out of the water.

Why it’s bad ass: For one, Robert Patrick, best known as the T1000 in Terminator 2, is in this and McClane takes him out like a chump. This is crucial because a lot of fanboys want to argue that McClane isn’t as good a action hero as the Stallones and the Arnolds, but then the T1000, who was kicking Ah-nold’s ass all throughout T2, couldn’t even last 5 minutes against the bad ass that is John McClane.no match for McClaneAnother scene that I absolutely loved as a kid but now looks a bit silly is the eject-out-of-the-plane scene. Those grenades sure take forever to go off.

What doesn’t work: A lot of the action is too over the top. Die Hard 1 wasn’t over the top. It was realistic. Here, McClane gets kicked in the face and falls off the wing of a moving plane and he’s fine.

Die Hard With A VegenceThe Premise: It’s 6 years after the events of Die Harder and McClane is a borderline alcoholic on the verge of divorce. Enter mysterious Simon who wants to play a game with McClane.

Why it works: They wisely changed the formula and didn’t try to recreate another “Die Hard on a ” concept. This time McClane is not stuck somewhere but rather he’s trying to match wits with an unknown figure who clearly has a grudge against him. McClane is back to his everyman self and not the ultimate do-gooder he was in 2.

Why it’s bad ass: The addition of Samuel L Jackson and his collection of f-bombs. “Fuck” just sounds cooler coming out of that man’s mouth. The entire first act where Jeus and McClane are jabbering back and forth is comedic gold. Lethal Weapon wishes it got this awesome.the only man to pop De Niro and get away with it (Jackie Brown)What doesn’t work: Very anticlimactic ending. The helicopter thing was weak, although if you go on youtube you can watch the original planned ending, which had McClane and Simon playing a game of Russian roulette with a freaking ROCKET LAUNCHER. It’s a bit cold because it shows McClane killing Simon in cold blood at the end. I guess that ending—although bad ass—wouldn’t work.

Live Free or Die Hard

The Premise: Fast forward another 12 years or so. McClane is now a bald, old man with a hot-as-hell daughter. Once again, McClane is minding his own business in everyday life when some silly terrorists think they can mess with America and not have McClane kick his ass. Only this time…he’s a cyber terrorist! Oooooh.

Why it works: This was much better than anyone could have imagined. The idea of McClane fighting cyber terrorists had me in fear going into the film but luckily, Live Free or Die Hard managed to maintain the spirits of the series. It works because of, quite frankly, John McClane.

Why it’s bad ass: McClane taking out a helicopter with a car. The semi-truck vs fighter jet at the end may be over the top, but no fan of McClane can watch that and not have a grin on they face.

What doesn’t work: Justin Long.Worse. Sidekick. Ever.

And Maggie Q was too tough in this film. There is no woman on earth that can take that many thunderous punches from John McClane and get up. Don't think I'm being sexist. Because there is no MAN on earth who could take that many punches from McClane too. He's John McClane, the baddest ass in the history of cinema

But yeah.

Here's the conclusion:

Die Hard 1 is the greatest action film of all time and was revolutionary. It spawned countless imitators, even Wong Jing copied it with a film called 驚天72小時, starring Andy Lau and Alan Tam (It's a great film by HK standards though, but still, blatant Die Hard formula)

Die Hard 2 is flawed in many ways but managed to keep the spirit alive. It'd also be Renny Harlin's last good movie until his career died with this thing called Cutthroat Island.

Die Hard 3 can be argued to be equal with 1 just because of Sam Jackson and the even more badass McClane character.

Die Hard 4, like 2, is flawed in many ways but is still entertaining.

The greatest action series ever, hands down. Thank you Star TV for giving me a marathon with all four.