Asian Movie Review: Switch (天機:富春山居圖, 2013)

I'm a big proponent of the idea of tempered expectations.  In terms of films,  that means if you expect a movie to be bad,  you're more likely to enjoy a movie, as you are avoiding disappointment, and if the movie doesn't completely blow, you may actually enjoy it (for not sucking as bad as you expected).

It was with very muted expectations that I went to see Andy Lau's new action/spy/heist thriller, titled "Switch" in English:

Yes, you can see the real reasons I wanted to see this film.... Lin Chiling being the main one, and Zhang Jingchu being a secondary one. :-P

Apparently this film was converted to 3D after it was finished, which is why it came out now and not in November as mentioned on the poster above....  but for some reason its not showing in HK in 3D at all.... but that's probably a good thing.

Despite my muted expectations,  this movie actually was incredibly bad.  The plot was... laughably bad.... as was the dialogue...  and characters, especially the bad guys.... and the editing...  and the CG...  and the directing.  All quite horrible actually.

If I had to diagnose the single biggest problem with the film, it would be the plot... or near absolute lack of one.   This is one of those films that if you ask someone to explain the plot during or after the film ends, you'll just find blank stares or maybe even crossed eyes. :-P

As the film goes along, it just gets worse and worse.  Its almost as if the director was suffering from short term memory loss while making this film... the same characters are in all the scenes, but the scenes they are acting in are not connected by a common plot at all...   as if the director forgot what the plot was and just made up a new plot for each scene as they shot it....  (like when Zhang Jingchu turns from an innocent insurance company employee into a sword wielding killing machine for no discernible reason...  )

Despite the crappiness, there's a few minor positives in the film -

1) Lin Chiling is in it

2) They have some nice location shots (and a lot of bad ones)

3) You get to see a great 2 hour long showcase of the entire range of 2013 Audi cars

From what I read on wikipedia, the HK version is 9 minutes shorter than the China version... the real question is,  does adding the 9 minutes back in make it a BETTER film, or does it make an intollerably long bad movie even worse?  (somehow I think it'll take more than 9 minutes to fill all the gaps in this plot...)

Anyway,  just take my word for it and avoid paying money to see this film.  2/10.  That's a zero with a +2 for Lin Chiling's beauty.  Here's a few highlights so you don't feel compelled to actually watch the rest of it:

Not pictured: slutty stocking nurse (actually in the movie!)