Why blog? A personal history

I didn't watch much TV when I was twelve but there was a show about a kid doctor that made an impression on me. I didn't want to be a doctor, and I don't remember if the show was any good at all, what I liked was that at the end of each show the main character would sit down at his computer, (running the then impressive DOS) and attempt to make sense of what he experienced by writing about it. He's onto something, I thought.

I was seven years old when my dad typed my first stab at fiction, a marooned pirate tale probably inspired by the Emilio Salgari classics that were my favorites at the time (along with A.C. Doyle, Verne, Agatha Christie and R.L. Stevenson). I got into drawing and filled many notebooks with original comics, writing only with pictures for a while until my dad got me a small Fisher-Prize red-and-white typewriter that actually worked and I now regret not holding on to. There was no turning back when I felt that technology at my fingertips. But it wasn't until I saw the tv kid doctor typing away that it occurred to me that all writing didn't have to be ficiton. My own life could be as good a subject as any and off I went, dazzled by the word-processing possibilities of the Commodore 64.

I might have sensed that a diary could become a valuable source of self-knowledge once enough time passed to grant me a different point of few and the clarity of hindsight.

I would love to look back through those young eyes at that tumultuous time in my life when my family was coming undone and my environment and identity were shifting so rapidly. Great source material for fiction I bet. But I moved a lot, DOS went the way of the dinosaur and my floppy disks were forever lost. Once separated from my first computer, I got caught up in the excitement and confusion of pre-teenage life, never to lay down confessions of any kind until now.

I still love writing fiction and thought writing a blog could be a fun way to get my motor running in the mornings. I'd like to again capture life as it happens, so that I may look back and track down the loss of my lucidity, the genesis of projects, the stuff of my dreams and nightmares and maybe even get a laugh or a lesson out of my past mistakes. I also want to try to retrace my steps before my remaining memory rusts away.

Since my current fiction is tightly plotted I also couldn't pass this chance to be all over the place, this platform to vent and rant every now and then in true exhibitionist fashion. Here we are free to spout immediate thoughts and ramble on without worrying about form, usage or coherence.

But why publish it?

What I've sought in my attempts at music, films and comics has always been my own healing. Not in any conscious direct way, but looking back on my life, anytime I felt desperate or lonely I picked up a pencil or a guitar and I would invariably feel better afterwards. Sometimes I might have felt like I was getting back at life; a childish sense of reprisal: "This is what I do with the shit you keep throwing at me. Thanks!" But mostly I just sang or drew my sorrows away.

It also always felt natural to share my drawings and compare notes with like-minded kids. At some point I felt that others might feel the way I did and even be looking for the same type of emotional valve.

I grew fascinated with the way my favorite artists reached me through space the with their work. Some of the minds that I felt closest to had been dead for centuries. But now all barriers between like-minded individuals are crumbling. There you are on the other side, we can connect instantly. This type of interaction is an amazing multi-sided conversation that we already for granted.

I will start posting also to assure those of you friendly strangers who email me that I'm still around, to apologize for not answering to your emails individually, (simply not enough time in the day, I'm afraid, but I will sometimes, I promise) and to let you know that yes, the Shadows will Wake, and my other works are also rolling along, painfully or happily, and I'll try to use this space to keep you up to date.

Here's to you, for making it this far.