Movie Review: The Detective 2/B+侦探

The Detective 2/B+侦探 is the sequel to 2007′s  The Detective/C+侦探.

In Cantonese, [see ga] means ‘private’; C+ sounds very similar. In addition, Aaron Kwok’s character was not in fact a very good detective, so the C+ gets double usage.

The original film was surprisingly good, featuring convincing acting, strong direction, and a number of really great cameos.

Jo Koo’s cameo made me understand why its soooo hot in Thailand.

And in my pants.

The Thai pop music soundtrack was pretty hip too.

Aaron Kwok did a marvellous job of acting, and not overacting, as he is so often prone to.

So when they announced a sequel, I was looking forward to it.

Last Thursday, the Gang of Film (電影人幫) descended on the Dynasty Theatre, a local landmark of cinematic mediocrity and my favorite venue for watching movies that demand a kind of real-time response.

It even has its own Facebook Group!

So that should give you an idea of what those in charge of choosing the venue thought of/heard about/knew of the film.

It was not going to surpass its predecessor, B+ in the title be damned.

Frankly, D+ is more like it.

A murderer is killing people in weird and terrible ways. The police are desperate to catch him.

So desperate that they enlist the help of the worst detective in Bangkok.

No, it makes no sense to me either.

But everyone in Bangkok speaks Cantonese.

All makes sense now, huh?

Flashback: A young man loses his parents. And his mind.

This is one of those movies where they tell you everything about the murderer’s background but keep his present-day identity a mystery.

They throw in lots of red herrings to try and distract you.

Is it a cop?

Is it a lunatic?

The problem is, the film is such a shoddy mess that I didn’t really care.

There was nothing engaging about this film. I had no interest in the plot or the characters.

I found myself just waiting for it to end, and the wait seemed interminable.

I was very disappointed, because I really liked the previous film. It was funny, well-made, entertaining and  really drew me in.

The Detective 2/B+侦探really didn’t.

When the wittiest part of a film is an actor’s p*ss-take on the mind-bending abortion that was another one of his films, then you’ve got problems.

But it does allow me to link to one of my most infamous reviews, so I guess I should be grateful.

Let me save you $60: The funny bit is at the end of this trailer.

I watch movies so you don’t have to.

And no one should watch this movie.

The epilogue is a leaden, obtrusive 2AM-last-call-you’re-fat-but-you-have-a-vagina-so-I-gotta-try pitch to get you interested in a sequel.

Let me suggest a title: The Detective 3/F-侦探.

I have the power to give that grade since I am the dean of faculty at Fxxk U.

My, what a big brown eye you have.

I could, I guess, concede that at the very least we have a film in Cantonese that does not try to pander to the China Market, and so it does have that going for it.

But that’s really about it.