Movie Review: The Child’s Eye/3D童眼

I saw this last week at the Grand Cinema, at Elements, the mall over Kowloon Station.

It continues the rather disturbing/depressing trend of watching utterly crap films in very fine cinematic surroundings.

The Child’s Eye/3D童眼might easily be called Rain of the Dumbor Bangkok Tedious.

The plot (what little there is) is told in such an incompetent manner that you find yourself being presented with situations that are obviously intended to terrify, yet you’ve been given no narrative or dramatic preparation, much less explanation.

It’s as though you’re supposed to be terrifiedjust because you’re supposed to be terrified.

I didn’t know the CCP had gotten into film making.

I didn’t expect much from this film.

Mostly because I had seen the trailer.

To be fair,The Child’s Eye/3D童眼** looked pretty nice. It was at least well-shot.**

But the acting (what little there was) was often laughable.

Proof? The most interesting, engaging character in the film is adog. The dog kicks all the humans’ asses in the screen charisma/believability category.

Proof of the narrative incompetence? Not only can the dog understand human language to an extent that puts Lassie to shame, the dog understands both Cantonese and Mandarin.

What anawesomedog!

More proof? Rainie Yang’s character points out that the worst thing a pregnant woman can do is kill something. This concept is central to the plot of the film.

Then she kills a cockroach.

Then this act is not referenced ever again, even as a sequel teaser.

Let me end this review by gleefully engaging in some shamelessly peurile, adolescent, even atavistic prose.

***The Child’s Eye/3D童眼* was so bad that even if Rainie Yang dropped to her knees and performed a Sexual Act of Contrition on me, I would have to look down afterwards and say “No, sorry, your last film suckedmore.”**

The titular eye is indisputably brown, and not because the kid is Chinese.

Pang Pang, you’re dumb.****

To end on a positive note (!), let me at least give the Brothers Pang credit for making a movie that can’t be shown in China. They didn’t pander to the Big Red Market, I’ll give them that.