Movie Review: Detective Dee/狄仁傑之通天帝國

I’m getting ready to move house, so I am busier than a one-armed paper hanger with crotch crickets. In addition, I’ve been doing too much working on the computer and my tennis elbow has been acting up.  In addition to THAT, I’ve screwed up my back too, between packing stuff and the gym. So I am typing this review standing up, the wireless keyboard sitting on a stack of boxes.

So don’t say I’m not willing to make the effort, you vituperative swine.

I was hoping that Andy Lau (劉德華) , the King of  Product Whoring ( 產品嫖娼王),  would have a snack tie-in called Dee’s Nuts( 這些睾丸).

I was afraid to see Detective Dee/ .Because frankly , Tsui Hark has disappointed me recentl y.

I liked 2005′sSeven Swords/ 七劍. Ireally did.

In fact, the very end of the movie, which seems to point strongly and directly to at least one sequel, if not a franchise, made me feel like I was a teenager again and watchingThe Empire Strikes Back .

Though frankly, I liked Seven Swords/七劍*****more. But never mind.*

Missing/ 深海尋人was a disappointment. Not only for it being a narrative mess, but for blatantly sucking up to the Big Red Market.

There’s no such thing as ghosts. The protagonist had a head injury and was hallucinating in a coma!

Because ghosts aren’t real.

Neither is Taiwan.

It was so bad that at one point, when a character asks someone in Shanghai to help them, the old man actually says “As long as it is reasonable and legal, I will do it.”

In that case, go f@#$ yourself.

Tsui’sAll About Women/ 女人不壞was, as my reviewmakes plain, all about crap, at least to me.

Tsui Hark made one of those movies w here HK directors think it’s still 1983 ‘Up Above,’ and served up what I felt was a lazy mish-mash of jokes and plot whose accolades probably only ever were spoken in Mandarin.****

In this candid photo of on-set improvisation, the actresses portray Hark’s last two films and Hark himself portrays the China Market’s big red ass.

So I was afraid to watch Detective Dee**** / .

It didn’t help that I had recently gone to a screening of Shanghai Blues/上海之夜 , one of Tsui’s 1980s classics.

Displaying all the color, kinetic energy and breakneck pacing of his best films, it made me pine for the days when you could trust Tsui Hark tokick ass and notkiss it.

Neither was it a good sign that a friend told me Detective Dee/魚狗wasn’t very good. But frankly, she and I often see films differently. Still, I value her opinion, and so I was feeling very reticent.

The Gang of Film (電影人幫) saw Detective Dee/魚狗at the Grand, and so I was of course afraid again, since recent viewings there tended to be like sticking my face over an open sewer pipe and taping my eyes open.

Luckily for me, it turns out that my worst fears were unfounded.

I enjoyed Detective Dee**** / .

A lot.

When I like Tsui Hark films, I like them because they entertain and dazzle me. His 80s work was often exemplary for the time period because it transcended its notable (and visible) limitations, succeeding against the odds, in a sense. Those old movies were made fast, cheap, and with little or no thought.

But that was their beauty, their allure, and their value. They were celluloid roller coaster rides, and who really gives a sh*t about the story behind a roller coaster? They have them, you know. But who cares? You’re just along for the ride.****

On that level , Detective Dee/  succeeds. It is a joy to behold. I didn’t watch this movie, I looked at it.

And I liked what I saw.

First, let me just say that it was GREAT to see Carina Lau onscreen again.

Even if she looked like  this:

****

“In a bid to cut costs, the sequel to Tim Burton’sAlice in Wonderland will be filmed in China…”

Her hairdos were amazing; I spent a good amount of time wondering how much time she must have had to sit in a chair and have all that sh*t strapped to her head.

She plays a ruthless Empress-to-be who sets a new standard for cold, calculating, and downright scary.

If they ever made a Chinese version ofJaws, she could play the shark.

Andy Lau is his typical self, trying very hard to act without moving his face and allowing glimpses of wrinkles.

****

Figuring out the next facelift…

Don’t get me wrong, he’s Andy Lau and about a million times more suave and cool than I could ever hope to be, but he’s spent the last ten years or so playing Andy Lau more than any character.

But it’s still worth watching.

So is Li Bing Bing, who acquits herself well in her action sequences and manages, thanks to her chara cter,  to reinforce my already troubling fascination with tomboyish women.

Detective Dee/  is not going to surprise anyone narratively. It is a solid genre film, but the emphasis here is on solid. I really enjoyed it, and as is usual when I enjoy a film, I don’t want to talk too much about the plot.

I want you to go se e Detective Dee/ ,because it’s a good film and deserves our support. It’s a gfun, entertaining movie and it makes me both nostalgic for the way Hong Kong cinema used to be and (guardedly) optimistic that just maybe it can still be that way.

I am VERY glad Tsui Hark managed to make a great film that, while admittedly working for China, doesn’t end up being a slave to it.

GO SEE IT FOR YOURSELF!!!