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tension BLASTING in my own world

Friday, Aug 8, 2008 11:31PM / Members only

StreSSed

Ive nvr felt so tired and miserable before its just the reopening of college all my scheduel are so tight aspecially my stupid assignments

its filling up my head

i just cant stand it

its like its gonna burst out of my head anytime anywhere
i cant even take a rest
everyday is so tiring i just feel like giving up ive got many problems but i just do not want to burden anyone with mine although i am desperate for getting it all out from my life but its just like pilling up like blocks of buildings
i do not know how long i can tolerate this feeling of mine its just suffering if i just face it on my own i just want to get everything out from my mind i want my mind to just take a rest take it all out or just forget it for a while
i just want my happy childhood to repeat itself again i just want to be happy again like ive been before its just too much problems
everyone just giving me more and more problems each day i cant handle it all in one go its just too stessfull i just want my life to be happy again
no love feelings towards anyone
no hatred towards anyone
no vangence
no stress
no pain
i just want my life to be normal once again

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wat ever...im no one in diz fucking world

Friday, Aug 8, 2008 11:29PM / Members only

Diz is the worst day of my life....
and you know why it is so???
well the hell starts to break out slowly early this year...
1st is my work problems which really pist me off...
all this time i've work,it never cause any problems but wen i work THIS FUCKING year, it seemed to turn out the way that it should'nt be...
i wasn't in the wrong...
it was not my fault 100%
i can even swear it and i can prove it...
but that BLOODY ASS BITCH supervisor which is a philipine women simply like to pin point on me...
i did not do anything wrong,whats with that bithces problem,man...
how wish i could just kill her straight...
she pressure me like shit,i did what ever she told me to do...
i was hard working,i did what everyone does...and that bitch seriously got a problem and im not sure what is it...
some how it causes my friends to hate that BITCH too,they were her victim too as well...
and 2nd problem is...
when my college starts...
OMG...the freaking course is so expensive...
it really burns a whole in my pocket...
not mine only...my moms as well..
and now it does'nt do any good...
the lacturers are damn freaking lazy...
they cant even comunicate in proper language...
they can't explain whats going on...
its like...HELL,WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT!!!!
further more my assignments are building up...
and its like lots of question mark on my head...
its like where should i start and how to even start my assignments...
THEY don't explain well enough to make us students understand what their talking about...
and THEY just throw the pile of assignments to us to do and pass up on the actual date that THEY had told us to do so...
well now...im so at lost...
argh....
assignments are the worst...
my financial is going down...and way down...
aih...
how should i handle this stuff...
how should i face it...
its so complicated..
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problematic metters

Friday, Aug 8, 2008 11:28PM / Members only

no body is listening

No one listens to what i said,it has never being heard or what so ever...
its like i'm no one in this world not even to my family...
my mom wont listen to my problems,she will just turn away when i try to express it all out but it fails to be heard...
my brother never respects me even though i'm the youngest well its juz between me and him thats all...
but still right,i need respect even though i'm the youngest i need respect...
but some how i'm no one to them...
my words shall never reach to their opened ears...
i'm used,beaten,blamed for no reason,scold without any explanation on why i've bein scolded and blured on what wrong i've done in my family well i won't even take it as my family but well i HAD a mom,dad, an older brother and me well thats called family right...{supposedly}
but now i'll take it as NOT a family cause it never will be any how...
its broken since when i was born...
my mom doesn't give me freedom, life,dignity, respect n fairness...
it must been very tough until now i just don't get it how i could survive until now...
wow, i'm a survivor but i was wrong apart of me has driven away...
i've never tasted the true freedom in my life...
well now im drinking alot...{alcahol}
it gives me pleasure,i enjoyed it...
well,maybe that was it to stand it...
its hard to be me...
the inner me has long gone and it shall not come back the way it was before,in me has died...
i've done alot of things but i wasn't appriciated especially from my mom and brother{well dad living seperately}....
when ever my brother did some lil patty chores my mom will praise him and give him a great comment like he's a king or a prince...
well i've done alot till i coulnd't list it all out...
well maybe my world and this whole entire world "I" "myself" doesn't exist anyway...
i'm no one,i'm useless,im just me,im a ghost,i shall be forgotten and never be remembered by anyone...
its just not fair even i've tried my best to do things even if it succeed well n done well,i'm no one....
i hate my life and this entire universe how wish i wasn't even born does not exist at all...HATE IT SO...........DAMN FREAKINGLY MUCH...................

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my life sux

Friday, Aug 8, 2008 11:25PM / Members only

tensed!!!!!!!!!!

how wish i could just go back to the old times which there were not much stress like now a days...
its just better to have it like last time not many wars,not many democratic issues,not much stress...etc
now man...i'm suffering from a nervous break down thats i can say...
near to a suicide case...
*sigh* more n more assignments for each sem,more blames from parents although i did not do it,more scoldings from parents...etc
wait till 1 day i'l soon step out from my home and just run free...
i just cant take it anymore...
how wish i could just fight back but i couldn't cause i'm consider the weakest among all in my family...argh...its just not fair....
how wish the world could just turn around in the right way...
and thigs will change to a better way...

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