This is an update of my little one Stariel, not me...

I JUST cut her hair!!! Not an easy feat to do on a 4 mth plus infant...i did parts when she was lying down on the bed, for the back of her head my MIL had to carry her. During the cut, she was moving here and there, and my MIL was so afraid i'd cut her accidentally. Fortunately all was safe. Just tat i felt i cut her sideburns too short and the hairstyle i gave her looks like a little boy :P Coz daddy said her hair was itching her head and ears so i just might as well cut it shorter than usual since it'd grow long again.

Oh by the way, the little one can flip by herself already not sure the date, was it like 5th Jan? When i told that to my student's mum, she was saying tats quite early for 4 mth plus as compared to last time? Im not so sure wats the norm...issit 5-6 mths as she said? Maybe the formula milk is better now? haha. My student said the little one would grow up to be intelligent. Well hopefully, and of course still be obedient.

I haven't mentioned she smiles a lot now as compared to when she was younger. Now she likes to interact and play, and she laughs a lot when she's with my FIL aka her grandpa. Seems she likes guys haha, including her daddy (daddy's gal). Well daddy this morning was complaining becoz he's so busy during peak period, she forgot him? I dun think so la...

After bathing her after the cut, noticed she slimmed down :O Quite a long baby, i forgot wat was the measurement...but i got a feeling, she might grow taller than me next time. Mm the last injection she went for (last week i think), she was 6.51kg. Pretty heavy i guess.

Think tat's all i can recall 'bout Stariel.

I feel trapped.

I have felt this way since young. In fact then, i felt alone and lonely, and sometimes even depressed. I remembered when i was young, i said my ambition was to be a business woman. I wanted to be rich. Rich enuff not only to take care of myself, but powerful enough to even help the poor.

Of course, we dun have to be rich to help the poor. But yeah, being rich is my goal. And till now i still hope to be, even tho im far from it. Being rich means i also can drive my dream car BMW or Jaguar, which is highly overpriced in SG. They said if u owned such cars in SG, it means u have like hundreds of thousands at least in your bank. Unlike sold so cheaply in other countries.

Being rich is one thing.

Another dream of mine is learning jazz music and performing music, whether jazz or chinese pop or anything else; whether singing or playing or both. My new friend told me i should try out Shangri La Hotel. But i was thinking in these poor economic times, issit possible they'd still hire ppl, and pianist is like totally extra nowadays in a hotel when they can just play a CD.

Inspired by Hiromi Uehara, furthering my studies in music in Berklee for jazz piano is also another dream whereby i need to wait until long time when Stariel is old enuff next time...or at least learn under a very very good jazz piano teacher. Having a child means part of your stuff u have to give up or sacrifice in life.

Currently after watching Twilight as recommended by Asianchick100, im reading the book, since my friend said the book was better than the movie. Although ppl said the movie sucked (i guess mostly guys), i found it ok actually. I kinda like the sexual tension/attraction during school days...in fact i feel like im a school gal's mentality trapped in my body (even tho i still look young as per ppl, not like a married or a married person with a baby). I like the feeling of stares by the guy, and the guy whois crazy or at least totally into you and is protective over you like a strong guardian. Tats partly why im into those trashy gal comic books. I long for tat somehow i dunno why, like as tho i never played the field....in fact i only had 2 boyfriends and the 2nd one i married. I guess im deprived. Some of you must be thinking why am i still thinking like tat when im married? But yeah, i long for this kind of fantasy stuff like a small girl.

Hence im wondering if im trapped becoz of the above factors. But then again, even if the above was fulfilled, will i still feel something's lacking? I somehow feel that im totally never easily satisfied, tat i always desire more and more. Maybe dying and being in heaven is the end to my dissatisfaction. Sounds crazy. But i tot of dying before when i was a teenager. Like i'd no longer be a burden to anyone, and above all this temporary life. Like wat the Buddhists believe, break out of this neverending cycle of life and death and obtain nirvana. But of course not suicide, which leads to hell.

K im obviously vomitting out my unhappiness yeah...so a bit crazy this blog.

 

 

This content is only viewable by site members. In order to view, please first login or sign up for FREE.

Just watched Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea. I'm someone who seldom watch animation or cartoon movies unless there's something about it.

Here's the trailer:

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXI7x6ExPuc&feature=related

Ponyo is a goldfish saved by a little boy of 5, Sosuke and becoz of tat, she wanted to turn into a girl to be with him-an adaptation of the Little Mermaid, but with a happier ending...

Very funny thing, i find some similarities between this little Ponyo and Stariel baby...just tat Ponyo looked a bit scary when she's evolving (weird limbs with only 3 toes/fingers) before turning into a normal looking gal...

Anyway the song's so cute, lm learning to sing at least the 1st and 3rd verse of the song :p If anyone has the full Romanji lyrics, pls share with me the link thx Song's stuck in my head hehe, i even sing to Stariel :P But now she prefers the song "Row, row, row your boat" She'd laugh exactly like a doll...my ears couldnt believe at 1st...

Woo...less than hour to 1/1/2009. Time Flies! Do you think back wat has happened in your 2008?

My 2008 went pretty gd. Mm...guess the major stuff i can remember is having my first baby, Stariel; having the newly announced 4 mth maternity leave break and increased monetary benefits slightly after the cut off date in August; more students; closer friends here (guess u know who u are ); new friends; passed a major exam...So how was your 2008?

Anyhow, now it's 46mins, and 2009 is sneaking its way fast in...hope it'd be a good year for all of us, despite the news of worse economy blah blah...well, like the common saying goes when life gives us lemons, we make lemonade rite?

K, let's have a smashing new year together~

HAPPY 2009~!

God bless us